"I would rike to say" GOOD PARTY!
Topic: Work Rants
Fuck I’m disillusioned, the force that governs my funniness is a bit on the “non existence” side at the moment so expect more sarcastic observations then anything else…I’d wait til tomorrow to write this but I know “some people” will have a fucking coronary if I don’t post the random craptacual-ness of the Samsung Christmas party.

I don’t even find it ironic (‘cause I’m started to expect this sort of thing now) that the one day I have an event to go to that’s offering free din-din is the very dad my dad is offering to take me out to lunch on him. I couldn’t pass down the chance to lower the weight of my father’s wallet so with a “haha this is going to cost ya 14.99 plus tax!” smile I ate my salmon and rice. Of course I over ate and was all yucky bloated when it was time to put on my party clothes (which are summed up as all black with red tie). It’s my own fault and worth it! I mean, how often do I get chances to stick it to dear old daddy-kins?

After numerous phone calls from Theresa while I was trying to gearing up and de-funk myself-- rule of thumb: don’t call someone when they’re trying to get ready just to ask “are you leaving now?” SO not going to make them get ready faster – I was on my way to Samsung to meet up with Theresa.

Fast forward to arrival to Samsung

Meet up with Theresa at my building and gave her the grand tour of the ninth gate of bullshit hell—she thought it was nice (but she doesn’t work here so her opinion doesn’t count). Yeah, with all the people gone it’s cool *pft*

After the tour (oh, meet up with Abby and her friend while touring the building) we waited in the lobby for the shuttle…now when I think of “shuttle” I think of a nice coach bus…is that what drove up the snowy pavement of 55 Standish crt. NOPE! We got yellow School buses fresh off the Holy Name of Mary parking lot. Ever look around a room at 25 “you fucking serious” expressions…well now I can say I have and all thanks to Samsung.

We boarded the bus and Theresa decides that we had to sit in the back ‘cause that’s where the “cool people” sit. *rolls eyes* riiiight, we in semi-formal wear boarding a fucking school bus…we’re a little far from “cool.” But whatever, I humored her – plus I really hate a lot of my co-workers (not for any reason but *shrug* being anti-social is a way of life) and they were all up front.

Things to do in the back of the school bus when you’re passed 20 and on your way to a party

A perfect opportunity to point out “people to avoid” before the party.

Jam chewed tasteless gum in the hole of the cushioned seats in front of you or anywhere that won’t be checked for a while.

Attempt to start “wheels on the bus” while people look at you like you’re retarded

Make chit-chat with the people around you after realizing you’re too old to make fake bodily function noises in public anymore…boo 

Find at less one person more retarded than you and tell them they’re on the wrong bus they should be on the short bus (damn you Ron! I ain’t blue bus special!!)

Write a sorry note to your parent as you finally realize how annoying “are we there yet” really is.

Damn its 4:30…To Be Continued tomorrow

Company X-mas party tomorrow! Hurray!
Topic: Work Rants

I?m at my wits end dealing with this agency!!
Now Playing: with nothing...the two dead hookers were taken away from me..boo
Topic: Work Rants

Okies, the preverbal straw had been brown to smithereens!!

Case point one:

I was interviewed and tested by a woman named Lisa. I told her what I wanted from this agency, which was a full-time permanent position. She said no problem but that I should work for Samsung for ONE WEEK until she can find me a “good fit” *rolls eyes* which I now know is agency talk for “HAHA, we get half your money while pretending to look for permanent work”

Whatever, I was naive…moving on…Flash forward a few Thursdays *cough* one week my ASS!! *cough*

Matt’s phone rings, it’s for me (the agency only memorized Matt’s extension so it became the universal “Dynamic fucked up” phone) apparently my timesheet didn’t send *cough* bullshit *cough*

I swear I’m not lying, every week this agency picks one poor employee to pick on and misplaced their timesheet…Oh! You have to pay rent TOO BAD! *sigh* seriously, thou, these people really need to fix that damn fax machine or hire someone ANYONE with some organization on payroll.

Case Point two:

Awhile back in August, I had to take a day off for CNanime and, as procedure, I had to inform Dynamic Employment. Like a good little girl I did what was the course of action set out in “Good” business, assuming, naively, that Dynamic Employment Solutions would do the same…NOPE, WORNG, TRY AGAIN!! You do not pass Go, you do not collect $200.

The Dynamic way!

I E-mailed Lisa to tell her that I needed to book off Friday. I got a reply E-mail back (several days later) stating that, Lisa, the ONLY person at Dynamic who knew anything about me, has been, as they put it “let go” OH!! Really, well that’s nice to know! When did this happen?…OH! Last week, thanks for the info fucker. So what, they fired the lady who knew me, knew my case, and was (supposedly) looking for full-time employment for me, fine, whatever, everything is peachy. BUT!! There wasn’t even a mention of re-interviewing me so they, oh I don’t know, actually know what I look like! Sort of important when a potential employer comes a knocking, eh…It’s just so unprofessional I laugh sometimes.

By-the-way, I have not received ONE call since Lisa was canned. Of course, I have been “informed” that some lady will be dealing with my case – which I’m 100% sure is closed since they’re pocketing ? my wages. And I mean “informed” in traditional Dynamic way of “Assume E-mail sender is dealing with you now.”

Case in point three:

Received a call on my HOME phone from Dynamic Employment informing me that they didn’t get my timesheet, again (I guess there back around to “C”). Now what day was yesterday, boys and girl? Right, Thursday, as in four days since I sent in my timesheet and they picked Thursday to tell me…which is too late to get paid. I love the message too, they tried to save their own ass by pretending its Wednesday...but really it just made them look dim-witted.

Message playback: “Hello, heather carriere, we did not receive your timesheet this weeks”

Me: BULL SHIT You fucker lost it, ya liars! You want to know how I know it’s called FAX REPORT!!!

Message playback “please send it in today by 3pm or we will not be able to process your pay cheque”

ME: ahh HELLO!! I’m at work, you’re calling me at home, It is pretty obvious I’m not going to get the message until I go home. And I am supposed to get it in to you by 3 today, how?…logic, it’s this new concept, try learning it!

God, I really hate these Sons of a bitches.

Now, I just finished re-sending my timesheet, writing an e-mail and letter to them providing them with several contact options—which they ALREADY had but didn’t look for. So, I’m HELLA peeved…need tea…

Moku out.

I?m pretty annoyed right now?god damn customers?and their stupidity?AUGHH!!
Now Playing: with many things...evil things...things I can not talk about..SHHH!!
Topic: Work Rants

Since, my trash bin is over flowing with white Styrofoam cups – moku has a problem, okay – I think it’s a good time to post!

Multiple rants about Samsung Customers

I’ve started to see a pattern emerge as I “ARS Analyze” leading to only one conclusion: The customer is one dumb shit! It’s like the motto of Samsung (not a publicly known one of course). I hear it a lot-- in different variations: The customer is a retard; this woman is nuts; I’m going to kill him, etc… -- but it’s basically the same thing.

I’d like to point out, I have my own personal devil’s advocate (you know her as Jeanie: my ride to/from work) so please (and I do mean please as in if you even mention there is an excusable reason for the lame ass retard questions I deal with, you WILL be getting a smack down!) refrain from trying to give me a colorful illustrations as to why said customer can not find the TV section of the FAQ page when there is a picture of it right in front of them with big letters stating it is for TV related questions.

SIDE Note to all The Wrong Section People – or the really really dumb shits. There was a picture, a picture of the item you had a problem with, RIGHT there on the page!! Yeah, the one that looked JUST like your product. So tell me how you got MP3 player and TV mixed up!! What planet do you live on that has TV looking MP3 players!! *insert Jeanie lame explanation* OH! I see *smack*

Ah, back to the pattern

I’ve noticed that customers, yea even dumb ones, get more resourceful – finding new ways to spell "Initialize" even when I think it isn’t possible to spell it any other way!! I’m serious! They’re geniuses! – YET, at the same time progressively worse *sigh* As I now get Full caps and bad grammar! Two for the price of one! Oh! The FAQs just get better and better. *smack head on desk*

Moku out.

This post is as nameless as that growth on my left toe.
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: with those two dead hookers again (I just can't seem to part with them)
Topic: Work Rants

*Tumble Weed* well another day on the tenth floor. *yawn* For all those who don’t know, heather is moving on up…HURRAY for temporary displacement! It’s so quite up here *snaps fingers* darn it, can’t fart in my chair anymore. Ep! *remembers Theresa isn’t the only one who reads this* not that I actually do—did—that. Heehee…moving on…Post time!!

I could rant about the current state of the world but that takes a well rest moku and some degree of brain power – which cookies for breakfast have stolen from me-- Plus, I am prohibited from use the word "Smack down" anymore" by numberous people. Therefore, you get: God damn its cold outside rant.

God damn its cold outside…the end.

Petro Canada has taken my desk away :-( So I?m now sharing a desk with the AssKisser.
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: with little pieces of paper
Topic: Work Rants

I could give the old “I’m annoyed at Samsung” rant but I’d like to think I’m more matured than that. I’m in a small confined area…but meh…C’est la Vie…Every non-Samsung employee thinks I’m the bloody secretary...*eye twitch* C’est la vie….I could possibly be experience a slight blissful intoxicating episode perhaps as a result of suppressed urges to kill…but c’est la vie, nes pas! Now, On with the post!

Why I hate this move:

Ever disliked someone and then were forced to spend a painfully large amount of time with them…WELCOME to fates new production of “Let’s make Moku more miscible at work!” I suppose it’s a good opportunities to study the ways of the brown-noser up close. *crocodile hunter impression* Now, today, boys and girls, we’ll be looking at the North Americans Ass Kisser. See the discoloration of the muzzle, that from years of wiping their nose in superior’s asses. *moku ends the lame joke and goes to kill herself for ever thinking a Crocodile Hunter joke was EVER clever or funny*

Now, this isn’t some spontaneous move as I’ve been randomly informing my co-workers that I’ll be repositioning my shit for two fuckin' weeks now. But still *sigh* every god damn one of them passes by me on there way to coffee or that after coffee piss, stops, and says “Oh! You got moved” Well, DUH! I didn’t just take it upon myself to relocate! Even if I did decided to up and play office shuffle would I pick the same place as Mr.AssKisser. Uh NO! I’d take a place in the back away from all the Samsung lovin’ “hey isn’t it nice working here” fuck-faced morons. Oh, the best is the on going joke that I'm in a fish bowl. Now, I have an over-active imagination but I don't get the comparsion. Fish bowl, blue; Cubical, Shit brown. Yeah, anyone else confused too.

I'd like to make this clear, since numberous people seem to be confused. I’m not the BLOODY secretary! NO, I'm not mary-fuckin’ sunshine, here to answer all your questions? No, I have absolutely no qualifications to assist you? and lastly, if I knew who Bill from Marketing was, I still wouldn't direct you 'cause I’m a pissed off relocated ARS analyst sitting next to someone *glare* who I just want to throw little pieces of paper at.

Moku out

Nutty: The Rubber Band I just named.
Now Playing: with my new best friend! Nutty, the rubber Band!
Topic: Work Rants

I’m playing with a rubber band I stole out of Abby’s desk a few days ago. Oh, it’s so distracting…all blue and rubber-ie…can you tell I’m desperately fighting writing this post. WAHH! I just I can’t stare at this mental box anymore, my brain is fried—it’s mush I say!…and I’m here wasting my first break since 8:30 am staring at the multi-pixel-crisp-ness as my eyes go cross-eyed when I should be counting dust bunnies in the air or staring at the right wall of my cubical (which is the usual routine for Moku work-breaks). Well, I’ve babbled on about none-sense for long enough, it’s time for the post…or tea…yeah tea first then post *goes to get tea*

I’m back!

SIDENOTE: I actually took the rubber band with me on my journey to the coffee machine. I was half way back to the safety of my USH Zone before I notice I was even playing with it…heehee, stretchy, straight, stretchy, straight…*blink blink* oH! People are looking at me funny *shrug* stretchy, straight.

Well, I now have about a 20 minute grace period to write this E-mail before the tea digests and nature calls which sounds like a lot of time but I’m still fiddling with this rubber band as I attempt to type…making it a WEE-bit difficult to type more than 2 words a minute…heehee stretchy, straight, stretchy, straight…(INNER HEATHER: You’re doing it again) Oh! Right *puts rubber band in desk*

Now, where the hell was I (INNER HEATHER: You never established a topic, nor a purpose to this post) You know, you’re pretty noises *raise eyebrow* for someone who hasn’t made an appearance on this blog for four months. (INNER HEATHER: well, you seemed to have learned the act of sarcasm, so my skills were no longer required) Ah, and here I thought it was because I just dumb plum forgot the crazy fun of Inner Heather. *grin* Moving on…

Back on topic

The rubber band has found its way back in my hand—I swear I don’t even remember taking it out of the desk. I’m hiding it from the AssKisser though *evil glare in his direction* ‘cause he’ll take it away as soon as I leave my desk to flick at someone and this rubber band is BLUE! Not some generic brown rubber band, it’s too good to just throw away on some cheap trill.


ANOTHER SIDENOTE: OMG!! Haha I just discovered you have bend the rubber band to look like two hanging nut sacks (yeah, I mean that *wink wink* kind of nut sacks) (INNER HEATHER: Honestly, Is there any other kind) No, Not that my dirty mind can think of. Heehee.

Back on…wait I never did establish a topic…oops!

Moku out

My work computer: My own little devil spawn.
Now Playing: with some toxic waste! HURRAY! now I have super powers!
Topic: Work Rants

First off, WELCOME WELCOME Michy-Onee-sama!! *bow* I’m so happy you’ve deicided to join us here on Moku’s Rants. I’m not even bitter it took you 4 months to actually click a link I REPEATIVELY gave you and read my blog. Cupcakes for everyone!! (Yeah, the virtual kind)

The Evil that is my computer

My fucking work computer has just frozen on me for the thirteenth time today insuring my faith in the electronic-computerized age. Do you ever wake up in a cold sweat thinking about the fate of the world under these unreliable contraptions *silence* SO, it’s just me then…moving on.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the information super highway is only for those fast-paced PC models post-1995 *sigh* I really need to point out the stupidity of my predicament here—okies, try to picture this: An 80s DELL tower that’s dirty beyond Garbage dump standards with actual missing pieces and broke buttons connected to a beautiful LCD flat monitor with about a Zillion crystal clear pixels. WOW! Look at the resolution on that hourglass...wait I think we have movement...nope it's frozen, again... *rolls eyes* But seriously, it’s the network's fault -- We're on a shared network--Shared networks are EVIL! All those hidden porn files floating around the system, hm, I’m getting off topic…but that pretty much puts my frustration in prospective.

I would like to point out I was promise a new dell computer last week. Where’s my dell, huh, I don’t see it! *crosses arms* Tsst, Tsst, lying makes baby Jesus cry. *shakes fingers* Shame on you Petro (I.E my boss).

Dude! It's 4:47 I'm getting the fuck outta here!

Moku out

I have a pen with my name on it..ohh! You?re so jealous!
Now Playing: with some serial killers I picked up on my way to work.
Topic: Work Rants
Arrived at work without incident—I swear I’ve been accident-free for too long something big is brewing…I am so fucked. I have that stupid Nickelback song stuck in my head ‘cause Edge over plays the fuck out of it! I know you have to play Canadian content but damn man there are other Canadian bands. Anyways, I just got that bloody song out of my head when the radio on the Asskisser’s phone (all our phones have radio) starts playing…do I even need to finish this :P Time for the post:

Rant One: The Cleaning lady my old nemesis.

I got to my desk this morning and just couldn’t take it anymore. I give up one this fucking cleaning lady…

SIDE NOTE: Who I now will be calling “that lady with a cleaning cart she doesn’t seem to know what to do with” here I’ll help you…think Wax on Wax off with Windex…or is it those 80s style neon pink pants that are distracting you. “oh the colours” I empathize; they distract the hell out of me too.

Anyways, back on topic, I am feed up with my dusty, marked up and overall disgustingly dirty desk; therefore, I ran-sacked that bitch's cart and cleaned it my damned self.

ANOTHER SIDENOTE: Did I ever tell you guys about the peanut? Well, I dropped a peanut on my desk and left it there to see how long it would take for Mrs. No clean to tiny it up…well that peanut I put there over a month ago is now gone thanks to ME! MYSELF AND I!

Back on track...

okies, I’ll give Ms. No clean a break, she does keep our company’s bathroom clean—usually cleaning it while I’m trying to dirty it up --- every damn time I fucking have to go she’s there with that 100 pound cart of products she doesn’t use on my desk mocking me with a mental assault of “I can hear you pissing” AUH! Can’t I piss in peace GO AWAY! Go clean some place else. Here’s a place MY DESK! I really hate this cleaning lady so very much.

Rant number 2: Oatmeal, the Exotic breakfest

Now Oatmeal is a fairly normal morning meal, right, of course it is, so please explain to me why my co-workers take turns asking me everyday “so, what are you eating?” I reply “Oatmeal” then I have to go on and on about it like its some brand new food product I’ve discovered from some obscure country. I suppose the green margarine container is throwing them off…no, I am not eating a tub of imitation butter here, its oatmeal. Oh, and you’d just die of laughter when you see their faces when I mention I made the oatmeal myself, I am so serious It’s depressing me. They’re like WOW! You made that! Yes, yes I did. *grabs an apron to demonstrate* I took some oats from this big bag of oats, a little nutmeg, and added hot water, PRESSTO! Kid you get Oatmeal!

Yet ANother SIdeNOte: Jesus, what do they think I have a wheat field in my backyard and I mill my own oats at 4 O’clock in the morning…morons. *sigh* Why don’t these moron people form a gossip gang--gossip is not a bad thing, it saves me from repeating myself.

Back on Topic...

I had one mo fo today ask like he had been waiting a while for his turn to ask me. Well he didn’t just ask me the aforementioned retardedly obvious question he decided to inform me that he doesn’t eat Oatmeal because he is trying to lose “some pounds” *blink blink* Correct me if I’m wrong but oatmeal is healthy right? I mean it tastes nasty enough to be healthy (without the sugar I mean). I was confused by this, to say the least, even after he finished his “more information about my co-workers I don’t care to know” verbal nonsense with the tidbit that he is on the low-crab diet. Oh, I didn't realize, stupid me, not realizing "low" mean "no" crab (even the good ones) *smacks self* WOW, what a dumby I am. Well that’s nice for you, while you go die of a heat attack I’ll continue to eat my complex carbohydrates. *girlie grin*

Moku out.

Randomness..HURRAY!
Now Playing: with the phone cord.
Topic: Work Rants

Well, I’m contemplating hanging myself with the phone cord so I suppose its time for today’s post…what happened to yesterday’s post..well…it beat me to the phone cord...RIP poor yesterday’s post We’ll all miss you *sniff sniff* okies, moving on to reality..my mind is wandering a bit so expect some randomness and lack of direction.

I’m wearing my Samsung shirt that was giving to me on Wednesday. It was clean and I really lack that in my wardrobe *shrug* you can’t see the logo anyways ‘cause it’s on my boob and that’s covered with my Jean coat—yeah, I’m wearing outfit number two, Mich minus the Sheridan shirt. Man, I need tea…brb *goes to get tea*

Got the tea, avoided three co-workers who I knew would attempt to engage in conversation. It’s actually quite funny how many people here assume I’m so hard working I have no time to chat when really I just don’t want to talk to them. I’m a rather mean person, inside, eh. Haha, and I don’t really care *evil grin*

Oh, I’ve decided to change some things around the blog or delete them altogether…mainly because the growing threat of *looks around nervously* of “certain people” reading this has progressed to the red danger zone. So, if you’re ever so bored that you get impulses to jab the pointy part of your pencil into your own flesh but decide instead to re-read this blog here is fair warning I’ve taken out a few names and “revised” a few things all in the name of saving my own ass!

*blink blink* man, I just zoned out there for a second--well more like two hours..WTF? When did it become 12:09 (not that I'm complaining) Shit man, I don't even remember finishing my tea. Man, I'm hungry...I think I have old peanuts in my desk. Yeap! I do but they've fallin' out of the package...umm...*deep in thought* to eat or not to eat the peanuts that have touched the tainted Samsung propority? Ah hell, I doubt I'll die or anything...you really shouldn't be surprised by my actions I am the one who smells her clothes before wearing them off her floor. Smell, in my opinion, is really the only real indication of dirty :P

I'm happy I could disgust you all so early in the day! I'll let you decide if I'm lieing, half lieing or being completely honest...thou ppl who really know me--not too hard.

Moku out.