That religious guy 2: The nut bar strikes back
Mood:  blue
Topic: Work Rants
Moku is the spawn of satan :(

Here I was minding my own business in my wide open cubical space when up comes That Religious Guy. We were having a nice conversation about the weather when he’s Fundamentalist Christian sense was a twitching. Yeah, something evil is a foot! He then points to my desktop picture which is a picture of me I drew for Christmas. *sigh* If only I had some good Christian values I would have seen this coming. All I caught was his smile fade to a frown and I knew a lecture was coming.

That Religious Guy, all red in the face from suppressed Christian rage, says to me “that’s not right!” I was like, Wah?? What’s not right.... Then I noticed what he was pointing at…OH! Crap my bad! I did that bad thing everyone does to shorten Christmas…I...oh it’s so horrible I can’t say it! I wrote Merry X-Mas! *dies from the shock of causing so much pain to mankind with her ignorance*

I suppose I should feel bad for putting a big red and green X in front of Jesus’ name but I doubt the “FOGIVING” lord would lecture me for five minutes about it – I assume he’d be reasonable and realize that Christ has six letters and X is only one: now guess what fits better on a page. But according to the eyes of That religious Guy I’m going straight to hell… You living in a plastic bubble you fundamentalist freak? Everybody does it! Unless the rules of heaven are as COO-COO as you, I seariously doubt I’m going to hell for wanted to shorten Christmas…then again, didn’t you already condemned me to hell for celebrating Halloween?

Anyways, the great diplomat that I am (Despite my already going to hell status) I went out of my way to change the picture on MY OWN PERSONAL work computer to ensure his royal holiness doesn’t suffering from an aneurism. So with X-mas changed to Christmas I called him over. And guess what I got for all my effort to make nice-nice? Just guess! Moku got ANOTHER flipping lecture! Like What the fuck man!

Apparently, without “him”-- he actually pointed to the “Christ” part of Christmas on my new improved picture – there’s no Christmas. Ah, riiight, explain that to the countless atheist “heathens” buying presents right now, and while you’re at it tell the evil corporate “department stores” that if their consumers aren’t Christian, then hands off the Santa wrapping paper.

Well, I continued to blink and stare and recite “I don’t care” in my head while he yapped on about how you can’t go to heaven without “him” (still pointing to “Christ” in Christmas) -- umm...correct me if I’m wrong but “HE” has a name, isn’t that why you’re lecturing me? -- After a few dozen “uh un”s he finally THANK GOD! went on his merry little way and heathen moku went back to work.

Moku out.

Ah crap I waited until 4 to write this?
X-mas Party Con't

Now where did I leave the story off…oh, by the way Theresa thinks I make her sound “annoying” in my blog so to make her feel at ease expect some flowery appraisal “reassurance.” (Also known as Damage Control…love you baby *smile)

Oh, right, we were cooped up in a run down bus (yeah, it wasn’t even a top of the line yellow school bus) for about an hour before arriving downtown. As soon as the doors opened, the un-annoying Theresa-Chan had to fill her lungs with toxic chemicals. It’s sort of funny really, it’s like “ewww old rundown bus smell get me off this bus!” with “Need fresh air” urgency only to light up a cancer stick and suck back the nicotine. Meh, I chuck it up to the bad influence of 80s Television.

After the initial “where the hell are we supposed to go” we followed some people and found the party, garbed some seats and chilled. Not sure when but we met up with Jose and his hot girlfriend. Skip ahead a few minutes, and my boss comes over to mingle with the little people. Now, Petro Canada, (my boss, for all those loser who can’t keep up) must have come to the party drunk ‘cause he was WAY too touch-feely. I haven’t even shaken this boys hands and now he like *kiss kiss* WTF? I played along ‘cause I’ve learned from Mich’s teenage get-together don’t fucking shrew around with drunken people. After he kissed every female at our table he floated over to the bar to get more drunk...which is he did.

The forgotten table

Now for the record, Abby picked the table, so all rants about the table are her fault.

Speaking of drunks, the table Abby picked was right next to the table filled with 50 plus year olds who made Mich’s loser friends look well-behaved. Because we took the bus we were about an hour late to the party so these drunkards were about thirty minutes over their limit and continue to hit back the shooters. I reminded clam and avoid direct eye contact.

I suppose it was my own fault for announcing the fact that I don’t drink but Jose decides to bring the table shots of vodka…apparently he misunderstood me *shrug*. So for a girl not used to drinking I did down that sucker like it was…*decides not to finish that sentence.

Moving on…

Dinner

Ah, dinner, what can I say it was free….but does that stop me from dissing the food, nope!

We first got orange soup which I did try then steered clear of. Sweet Potato something or other…I don’t tend to learn the names of dishes I’m never planning on eating again, sorry. Then it was the rain forest of salads…one look I knew I wasn’t eating that. The beautiful Theresa didn’t either – she was too busy attacking the dinner rolls.

I’m pretty unobservant when food is put in front of me (most things people say are blah blah, in one ear out the other) but I did notice that one of the waitress was a bitch and our table just happened to have a former food/restaurant critic…*weak yeah* So, I got to hear bitching from a professional. After the food critic said something to the bitchy waitress our table was blacklisted and we were last to get anything, we had to stop two waitresses just to get brochette and ended up with cold ass salmon and beef.

Damn it its 4:30 already…okies wrap up time!

Drank some more, talked, avoided Petro Canada, mingled a bit, didn’t win in the raffle but the asskisser did (GOD DAMN IT! I’m still pissed about that) and lastly, went home with my wonderful wife (inside joke, that’s Theresa) in the same broke ass yellow school bus.

Moku out.

A little Christmas rant to warm you up
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: pointy things...and bad thoughts
Topic: My life (outside of work)
The Christmas party continuation is coming, keep your pants on! but first a litte christmas cheer...

I still have not started X-mas shopping and it's the 13th!! OMG! I'm fucked! The malls are nuts! I'm seriously scared, so very scared *shudder* 20 million pushers and shoves fighting over inanimate objects like their lives depend on getting that “special gift” from this store rigth now. What will I do....Man, I miss my credit card; I could buy everything online and fuck the malls and all this crazy busy bullshit! But alas I keep putting it off...damn it! Damn my laziness!!

I need to buy at least one gift so when people talk about X-mas shopping I don't have to hide in a corner rotating my thumbs so no one notices me and asks if I'm done my Christmas shopping. I just can’t take the “oh, you should start soon” WELL DUH!! But Thanks for the legs up, ‘cause I was thinking of starting December 24th. God, people annoy me…especially around the holidays when they have carols wedged in their ears jamming up the brain signals that should be telling them that pointing out the obvious makes them look like jack asses.

I'll start soon...damn that Secret Santa things is on Friday too CRAP CRAP CRAP! I have to get some big 10th floor dude a present...AUGHH!! I don’t know how the other half lives I'm poor I know what poor people want, money! People with money...what the hell do I get them! What am I going to do!! I thought of booze but that seems like I'm saying he has a drinking problem or that the office gossip is that he on the sauce...damn it!!

Can you tell I'm stressed! AUGHHHH!!!!! I have no time!! Well I have Mondays now 'cause I dropped ballet (HURRAY!!!) but Monday is over now...FUCK! I suppose today is a good day...I have to take the bus anyways...god damn evil mall with 100 million people...grrrr...and it's so COLD!!!

Wow, I've been babbling on for a while now......hahaha...more random swearing before I say goodbye FUCK-a-die FUCK FUCK!!

Moku out

P.S. This rant is based off of an E-mail I sent Fernie this morning

"I would rike to say" GOOD PARTY!
Topic: Work Rants
Fuck I’m disillusioned, the force that governs my funniness is a bit on the “non existence” side at the moment so expect more sarcastic observations then anything else…I’d wait til tomorrow to write this but I know “some people” will have a fucking coronary if I don’t post the random craptacual-ness of the Samsung Christmas party.

I don’t even find it ironic (‘cause I’m started to expect this sort of thing now) that the one day I have an event to go to that’s offering free din-din is the very dad my dad is offering to take me out to lunch on him. I couldn’t pass down the chance to lower the weight of my father’s wallet so with a “haha this is going to cost ya 14.99 plus tax!” smile I ate my salmon and rice. Of course I over ate and was all yucky bloated when it was time to put on my party clothes (which are summed up as all black with red tie). It’s my own fault and worth it! I mean, how often do I get chances to stick it to dear old daddy-kins?

After numerous phone calls from Theresa while I was trying to gearing up and de-funk myself-- rule of thumb: don’t call someone when they’re trying to get ready just to ask “are you leaving now?” SO not going to make them get ready faster – I was on my way to Samsung to meet up with Theresa.

Fast forward to arrival to Samsung

Meet up with Theresa at my building and gave her the grand tour of the ninth gate of bullshit hell—she thought it was nice (but she doesn’t work here so her opinion doesn’t count). Yeah, with all the people gone it’s cool *pft*

After the tour (oh, meet up with Abby and her friend while touring the building) we waited in the lobby for the shuttle…now when I think of “shuttle” I think of a nice coach bus…is that what drove up the snowy pavement of 55 Standish crt. NOPE! We got yellow School buses fresh off the Holy Name of Mary parking lot. Ever look around a room at 25 “you fucking serious” expressions…well now I can say I have and all thanks to Samsung.

We boarded the bus and Theresa decides that we had to sit in the back ‘cause that’s where the “cool people” sit. *rolls eyes* riiiight, we in semi-formal wear boarding a fucking school bus…we’re a little far from “cool.” But whatever, I humored her – plus I really hate a lot of my co-workers (not for any reason but *shrug* being anti-social is a way of life) and they were all up front.

Things to do in the back of the school bus when you’re passed 20 and on your way to a party

A perfect opportunity to point out “people to avoid” before the party.

Jam chewed tasteless gum in the hole of the cushioned seats in front of you or anywhere that won’t be checked for a while.

Attempt to start “wheels on the bus” while people look at you like you’re retarded

Make chit-chat with the people around you after realizing you’re too old to make fake bodily function noises in public anymore…boo 

Find at less one person more retarded than you and tell them they’re on the wrong bus they should be on the short bus (damn you Ron! I ain’t blue bus special!!)

Write a sorry note to your parent as you finally realize how annoying “are we there yet” really is.

Damn its 4:30…To Be Continued tomorrow

for the last time it's not porn!!!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: chop-sticks with my samsung pen.
The first time my boss saw me drawing he was like “oh, that’s the pornography stuff from Japan” I was not amused but I didn’t jump to defend anime thinking it wasn’t worth it. Which leads to today’s post!

Oh, but before I start the rant: So everyone is on the same page here, Avatars are pictures you either make (or copy off a site) to represent you on a forum. Your signature can be anything you want (either writing or a picture or both) and it will accompany any message you leave on a forum.

It’s not PORN!!

Normally I check up on forums while I’m working, you know periodically thought out the day. So, yesterday being like every other day, that’s what I was doing. I was on animeforum.com just minding my own business when BANG! My boss is two inch from my face:

Petro Canada: You’re looking at porn!!
Me: No I’m not! It’s a forum, that’s just someone’s avatar *scroll down to prove point*
Petro: Look its porn!!
Me: *sigh* no, it’s just a picture in someone signature (picture was of some anime chicks in bikinis)
Petro: you’re looking at porn at work!!
Me: *smacks head on desk* yeah, I’m looking at porn.

Ah, and the kicker (I’m starting to realize all “bad things happen to heather” stories have that extra factor at the end) The forum topic just happen to be What do you think of *sigh* (this is just too ironic) Hentai – that’s Japanese porn, the thing he was getting anime confused with.

Moku out

P.S. Don't beleive me Click HERE and scoll down a few posts

Company X-mas party tomorrow! Hurray!
Topic: Work Rants

Theresa-chan's ideas on "Barbie"
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: My life (outside of work)

You know you just don’t know someone until you attempt to purchase a Barbie for a needy child with them.

On Saturday Theresa and I were shopping for some children my company is sponsoring for the holidays. We had two young girls on the list, nine and seven, so we were looking at scented Babies, yeah, she smells now…give the kids more reason to chew on her feet (I’m not the only one who did that as a kid…come on, now!) I wasn’t sure what “background” these two girls were so I was a little dumbfounded as to what Barbie to get them. But it was okay, ‘cause Theresa -- in the Barbie aisle of Zellers-- explained the Fundamental Universal Principals on Barbie Doll Playing:

Black children could care less if you give them white, black, or “slightly tanned clearly “ethnic” Barbie. Where as White children only want white Barbie; apparently it will cause severe metal stress to their psyche if you give them culturally diverse Barbie. Therefore, if ya don't know, White Barbie is the way to go.

Now, I’m paraphrasing, of course; I can’t put it quite as eloquent as Theresa did. The funny part is as we’re having this obviously racist convo. I realized that white Barbie smells like vanilla. OH! Real original *shakes head* what was Mattel fresh out of wheat checker scent. I didn’t smell black Barbie, under Theresa’s Barbie principal I wasn’t allowed to consider it an option… but tanned “California” *cough* Hispanic *cough* Barbie, which passed by her radar (Score one for Diversity!!!), smelled like Coconut…apparently the stereotyping scents crosses the line with taco scented Barbie.

But as a Canadians, I felt horrible for stereotyping…oh, I fully admit to joinin’ in on the rascal stereotyping fun! If you can’t be racist in a public shopping center during the holiday Christmas season in the Toy department, well when the hell can you be?

I gave in to Theresa's principal, the thought of being the cause of more emotionally scared white kids really got to me, and bought white barbie and span..I mean..California Barbie *smile*

Moku out

P.S. HAHA!! Making Theresa-chan look racist is SUPER fun!!! But seriously people she’s not a bit racist, I swear, no, no, actually she the BIGGIEST racist I know!! It’s always “black people this” or “they’re taking all our jobs that” Some people are just ignorant, eh, it’s so sad.

P.S.S. I’m completely lying Theresa is not a racist…well, as far as I know *shrug*

I?m at my wits end dealing with this agency!!
Now Playing: with nothing...the two dead hookers were taken away from me..boo
Topic: Work Rants

Okies, the preverbal straw had been brown to smithereens!!

Case point one:

I was interviewed and tested by a woman named Lisa. I told her what I wanted from this agency, which was a full-time permanent position. She said no problem but that I should work for Samsung for ONE WEEK until she can find me a “good fit” *rolls eyes* which I now know is agency talk for “HAHA, we get half your money while pretending to look for permanent work”

Whatever, I was naive…moving on…Flash forward a few Thursdays *cough* one week my ASS!! *cough*

Matt’s phone rings, it’s for me (the agency only memorized Matt’s extension so it became the universal “Dynamic fucked up” phone) apparently my timesheet didn’t send *cough* bullshit *cough*

I swear I’m not lying, every week this agency picks one poor employee to pick on and misplaced their timesheet…Oh! You have to pay rent TOO BAD! *sigh* seriously, thou, these people really need to fix that damn fax machine or hire someone ANYONE with some organization on payroll.

Case Point two:

Awhile back in August, I had to take a day off for CNanime and, as procedure, I had to inform Dynamic Employment. Like a good little girl I did what was the course of action set out in “Good” business, assuming, naively, that Dynamic Employment Solutions would do the same…NOPE, WORNG, TRY AGAIN!! You do not pass Go, you do not collect $200.

The Dynamic way!

I E-mailed Lisa to tell her that I needed to book off Friday. I got a reply E-mail back (several days later) stating that, Lisa, the ONLY person at Dynamic who knew anything about me, has been, as they put it “let go” OH!! Really, well that’s nice to know! When did this happen?…OH! Last week, thanks for the info fucker. So what, they fired the lady who knew me, knew my case, and was (supposedly) looking for full-time employment for me, fine, whatever, everything is peachy. BUT!! There wasn’t even a mention of re-interviewing me so they, oh I don’t know, actually know what I look like! Sort of important when a potential employer comes a knocking, eh…It’s just so unprofessional I laugh sometimes.

By-the-way, I have not received ONE call since Lisa was canned. Of course, I have been “informed” that some lady will be dealing with my case – which I’m 100% sure is closed since they’re pocketing ? my wages. And I mean “informed” in traditional Dynamic way of “Assume E-mail sender is dealing with you now.”

Case in point three:

Received a call on my HOME phone from Dynamic Employment informing me that they didn’t get my timesheet, again (I guess there back around to “C”). Now what day was yesterday, boys and girl? Right, Thursday, as in four days since I sent in my timesheet and they picked Thursday to tell me…which is too late to get paid. I love the message too, they tried to save their own ass by pretending its Wednesday...but really it just made them look dim-witted.

Message playback: “Hello, heather carriere, we did not receive your timesheet this weeks”

Me: BULL SHIT You fucker lost it, ya liars! You want to know how I know it’s called FAX REPORT!!!

Message playback “please send it in today by 3pm or we will not be able to process your pay cheque”

ME: ahh HELLO!! I’m at work, you’re calling me at home, It is pretty obvious I’m not going to get the message until I go home. And I am supposed to get it in to you by 3 today, how?…logic, it’s this new concept, try learning it!

God, I really hate these Sons of a bitches.

Now, I just finished re-sending my timesheet, writing an e-mail and letter to them providing them with several contact options—which they ALREADY had but didn’t look for. So, I’m HELLA peeved…need tea…

Moku out.

Three words: Bus, Stupid, teenagers.
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: with many thoughts of killing all teenagers
Topic: Bus Stories
You know, after having a convo with Theresa-chan about the very few “bad things happen to heather” moments lately, I knew, I just knew I was jinxing my self and so ON WITH THE POSTING!!

Yesterday’s bus ride home.

It was raining like Noah just finished his boat, of course, Jeanie was busy, so, basically, moku was busin’ it home--Which I was fine with me. Rain and I now have an understanding you see, I stay the hell away from Steeles Avenue and Rain does not come at me in big waves.

I hopped on the 1B (which by-the-way was 10 minutes late and the 19 dropped me off 17 minutes too early) I was pushed to the back by about 50 tired, wet and bitchy transit users. But I thought I’m on this bus for the long-hall so what the hell…*sigh* I was so wrong.. so very wrong. : (

I sat in a seat alone, comfortably staring out the window into space when four teenagers came storming onto the bus. I mean storming like King Kong stomping talking shit that I couldn’t even begin to describe has I have a brain and know how to use it. If their loud gibberish language wasn’t enough they came storming up in my direction…OH NO, fuck that I’m outta here. I started to get up to move seats but they were already blocking my way with a guitar case and then the zit face teen owner of that guitar case. I had one at my side standing (now called guitar boy, with his guitar case in the seat next to me) and three behind me talking to guitar case boy.

Well, I was defeated so I just slammed back against the hard plastic seat and shrugged “well, what can you do” If I had known how bad it was going to get I would have smashed my way through those adolescence losers. But I chose the way of the diplomat and suffered for it.

I started to understand the gibberish they were muttering bit-by-bit, picking words out here and there. Now, don’t get the impression I was trying to understand them it’s just after 10 minutes of trying to win the battle of ignore them I just gave up and let my brain process the nonsense.

SIDE NOTE: I still don’t understand why they were yelling 20 octaves higher than the norm to guitar boy when it was only a millimeter away. Rule of thumb: Whisper, my little retards, when you can touch someone -- even if they're standing -- their ears are still functioning. I assure you they CAN hear you.

Anyways, I got used to the high noise level so they raised the steaks; five more retards joined the group…OH! Great! What a consequence your friends take this bus too! Moku is just tickled pink. And if I thought the first bunch were noisy fuckers OH, I was fooling myself, presenting, noisier fucktards. This bunch put the others to shame *shakes head*

So, now I’m seriously boxed in. Picture this, I’m in the window seat and in the two seats in front, behind AND across from me are retard teens (that all seem to know each other) and don’t forget guitar boys is at my side – who is always spoken TO (in completely unnecessary loud voices) but never speaks himself…maybe he's the smart one and sees my forehead vein pulsing.

Then the icing on the proverbial cake, one of the girls behind me starts to sing…not softy – no, no, that would be considerate..Wait, singing at all on the bus is inconsiderate! See what these teens are doing to me! AUGH! – She sings loud enough that the whole bus is starting to feel my pain! Now, she wasn’t a horrible singer but it was that “trying too hard to sound like Britney while singing a rock song” type of voice…just cuts thru you like butter, really.

Oh, when that bus reached downtown Brampton I was like get the hella outta my way NOW! Not later NOW! Guitar boy – oh, we had an understanding – he moved that case in 2 seconds flat. And I Moku- smashed my way outta there. Freedom!! Glorious Freedom!!

Moku out

I?m pretty annoyed right now?god damn customers?and their stupidity?AUGHH!!
Now Playing: with many things...evil things...things I can not talk about..SHHH!!
Topic: Work Rants

Since, my trash bin is over flowing with white Styrofoam cups – moku has a problem, okay – I think it’s a good time to post!

Multiple rants about Samsung Customers

I’ve started to see a pattern emerge as I “ARS Analyze” leading to only one conclusion: The customer is one dumb shit! It’s like the motto of Samsung (not a publicly known one of course). I hear it a lot-- in different variations: The customer is a retard; this woman is nuts; I’m going to kill him, etc… -- but it’s basically the same thing.

I’d like to point out, I have my own personal devil’s advocate (you know her as Jeanie: my ride to/from work) so please (and I do mean please as in if you even mention there is an excusable reason for the lame ass retard questions I deal with, you WILL be getting a smack down!) refrain from trying to give me a colorful illustrations as to why said customer can not find the TV section of the FAQ page when there is a picture of it right in front of them with big letters stating it is for TV related questions.

SIDE Note to all The Wrong Section People – or the really really dumb shits. There was a picture, a picture of the item you had a problem with, RIGHT there on the page!! Yeah, the one that looked JUST like your product. So tell me how you got MP3 player and TV mixed up!! What planet do you live on that has TV looking MP3 players!! *insert Jeanie lame explanation* OH! I see *smack*

Ah, back to the pattern

I’ve noticed that customers, yea even dumb ones, get more resourceful – finding new ways to spell "Initialize" even when I think it isn’t possible to spell it any other way!! I’m serious! They’re geniuses! – YET, at the same time progressively worse *sigh* As I now get Full caps and bad grammar! Two for the price of one! Oh! The FAQs just get better and better. *smack head on desk*

Moku out.