for the last time it's not porn!!!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: chop-sticks with my samsung pen.
The first time my boss saw me drawing he was like “oh, that’s the pornography stuff from Japan” I was not amused but I didn’t jump to defend anime thinking it wasn’t worth it. Which leads to today’s post!

Oh, but before I start the rant: So everyone is on the same page here, Avatars are pictures you either make (or copy off a site) to represent you on a forum. Your signature can be anything you want (either writing or a picture or both) and it will accompany any message you leave on a forum.

It’s not PORN!!

Normally I check up on forums while I’m working, you know periodically thought out the day. So, yesterday being like every other day, that’s what I was doing. I was on animeforum.com just minding my own business when BANG! My boss is two inch from my face:

Petro Canada: You’re looking at porn!!
Me: No I’m not! It’s a forum, that’s just someone’s avatar *scroll down to prove point*
Petro: Look its porn!!
Me: *sigh* no, it’s just a picture in someone signature (picture was of some anime chicks in bikinis)
Petro: you’re looking at porn at work!!
Me: *smacks head on desk* yeah, I’m looking at porn.

Ah, and the kicker (I’m starting to realize all “bad things happen to heather” stories have that extra factor at the end) The forum topic just happen to be What do you think of *sigh* (this is just too ironic) Hentai – that’s Japanese porn, the thing he was getting anime confused with.

Moku out

P.S. Don't beleive me Click HERE and scoll down a few posts

Company X-mas party tomorrow! Hurray!
Topic: Work Rants

Theresa-chan's ideas on "Barbie"
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: My life (outside of work)

You know you just don’t know someone until you attempt to purchase a Barbie for a needy child with them.

On Saturday Theresa and I were shopping for some children my company is sponsoring for the holidays. We had two young girls on the list, nine and seven, so we were looking at scented Babies, yeah, she smells now…give the kids more reason to chew on her feet (I’m not the only one who did that as a kid…come on, now!) I wasn’t sure what “background” these two girls were so I was a little dumbfounded as to what Barbie to get them. But it was okay, ‘cause Theresa -- in the Barbie aisle of Zellers-- explained the Fundamental Universal Principals on Barbie Doll Playing:

Black children could care less if you give them white, black, or “slightly tanned clearly “ethnic” Barbie. Where as White children only want white Barbie; apparently it will cause severe metal stress to their psyche if you give them culturally diverse Barbie. Therefore, if ya don't know, White Barbie is the way to go.

Now, I’m paraphrasing, of course; I can’t put it quite as eloquent as Theresa did. The funny part is as we’re having this obviously racist convo. I realized that white Barbie smells like vanilla. OH! Real original *shakes head* what was Mattel fresh out of wheat checker scent. I didn’t smell black Barbie, under Theresa’s Barbie principal I wasn’t allowed to consider it an option… but tanned “California” *cough* Hispanic *cough* Barbie, which passed by her radar (Score one for Diversity!!!), smelled like Coconut…apparently the stereotyping scents crosses the line with taco scented Barbie.

But as a Canadians, I felt horrible for stereotyping…oh, I fully admit to joinin’ in on the rascal stereotyping fun! If you can’t be racist in a public shopping center during the holiday Christmas season in the Toy department, well when the hell can you be?

I gave in to Theresa's principal, the thought of being the cause of more emotionally scared white kids really got to me, and bought white barbie and span..I mean..California Barbie *smile*

Moku out

P.S. HAHA!! Making Theresa-chan look racist is SUPER fun!!! But seriously people she’s not a bit racist, I swear, no, no, actually she the BIGGIEST racist I know!! It’s always “black people this” or “they’re taking all our jobs that” Some people are just ignorant, eh, it’s so sad.

P.S.S. I’m completely lying Theresa is not a racist…well, as far as I know *shrug*

I?m at my wits end dealing with this agency!!
Now Playing: with nothing...the two dead hookers were taken away from me..boo
Topic: Work Rants

Okies, the preverbal straw had been brown to smithereens!!

Case point one:

I was interviewed and tested by a woman named Lisa. I told her what I wanted from this agency, which was a full-time permanent position. She said no problem but that I should work for Samsung for ONE WEEK until she can find me a “good fit” *rolls eyes* which I now know is agency talk for “HAHA, we get half your money while pretending to look for permanent work”

Whatever, I was naive…moving on…Flash forward a few Thursdays *cough* one week my ASS!! *cough*

Matt’s phone rings, it’s for me (the agency only memorized Matt’s extension so it became the universal “Dynamic fucked up” phone) apparently my timesheet didn’t send *cough* bullshit *cough*

I swear I’m not lying, every week this agency picks one poor employee to pick on and misplaced their timesheet…Oh! You have to pay rent TOO BAD! *sigh* seriously, thou, these people really need to fix that damn fax machine or hire someone ANYONE with some organization on payroll.

Case Point two:

Awhile back in August, I had to take a day off for CNanime and, as procedure, I had to inform Dynamic Employment. Like a good little girl I did what was the course of action set out in “Good” business, assuming, naively, that Dynamic Employment Solutions would do the same…NOPE, WORNG, TRY AGAIN!! You do not pass Go, you do not collect $200.

The Dynamic way!

I E-mailed Lisa to tell her that I needed to book off Friday. I got a reply E-mail back (several days later) stating that, Lisa, the ONLY person at Dynamic who knew anything about me, has been, as they put it “let go” OH!! Really, well that’s nice to know! When did this happen?…OH! Last week, thanks for the info fucker. So what, they fired the lady who knew me, knew my case, and was (supposedly) looking for full-time employment for me, fine, whatever, everything is peachy. BUT!! There wasn’t even a mention of re-interviewing me so they, oh I don’t know, actually know what I look like! Sort of important when a potential employer comes a knocking, eh…It’s just so unprofessional I laugh sometimes.

By-the-way, I have not received ONE call since Lisa was canned. Of course, I have been “informed” that some lady will be dealing with my case – which I’m 100% sure is closed since they’re pocketing ? my wages. And I mean “informed” in traditional Dynamic way of “Assume E-mail sender is dealing with you now.”

Case in point three:

Received a call on my HOME phone from Dynamic Employment informing me that they didn’t get my timesheet, again (I guess there back around to “C”). Now what day was yesterday, boys and girl? Right, Thursday, as in four days since I sent in my timesheet and they picked Thursday to tell me…which is too late to get paid. I love the message too, they tried to save their own ass by pretending its Wednesday...but really it just made them look dim-witted.

Message playback: “Hello, heather carriere, we did not receive your timesheet this weeks”

Me: BULL SHIT You fucker lost it, ya liars! You want to know how I know it’s called FAX REPORT!!!

Message playback “please send it in today by 3pm or we will not be able to process your pay cheque”

ME: ahh HELLO!! I’m at work, you’re calling me at home, It is pretty obvious I’m not going to get the message until I go home. And I am supposed to get it in to you by 3 today, how?…logic, it’s this new concept, try learning it!

God, I really hate these Sons of a bitches.

Now, I just finished re-sending my timesheet, writing an e-mail and letter to them providing them with several contact options—which they ALREADY had but didn’t look for. So, I’m HELLA peeved…need tea…

Moku out.

Three words: Bus, Stupid, teenagers.
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: with many thoughts of killing all teenagers
Topic: Bus Stories
You know, after having a convo with Theresa-chan about the very few “bad things happen to heather” moments lately, I knew, I just knew I was jinxing my self and so ON WITH THE POSTING!!

Yesterday’s bus ride home.

It was raining like Noah just finished his boat, of course, Jeanie was busy, so, basically, moku was busin’ it home--Which I was fine with me. Rain and I now have an understanding you see, I stay the hell away from Steeles Avenue and Rain does not come at me in big waves.

I hopped on the 1B (which by-the-way was 10 minutes late and the 19 dropped me off 17 minutes too early) I was pushed to the back by about 50 tired, wet and bitchy transit users. But I thought I’m on this bus for the long-hall so what the hell…*sigh* I was so wrong.. so very wrong. : (

I sat in a seat alone, comfortably staring out the window into space when four teenagers came storming onto the bus. I mean storming like King Kong stomping talking shit that I couldn’t even begin to describe has I have a brain and know how to use it. If their loud gibberish language wasn’t enough they came storming up in my direction…OH NO, fuck that I’m outta here. I started to get up to move seats but they were already blocking my way with a guitar case and then the zit face teen owner of that guitar case. I had one at my side standing (now called guitar boy, with his guitar case in the seat next to me) and three behind me talking to guitar case boy.

Well, I was defeated so I just slammed back against the hard plastic seat and shrugged “well, what can you do” If I had known how bad it was going to get I would have smashed my way through those adolescence losers. But I chose the way of the diplomat and suffered for it.

I started to understand the gibberish they were muttering bit-by-bit, picking words out here and there. Now, don’t get the impression I was trying to understand them it’s just after 10 minutes of trying to win the battle of ignore them I just gave up and let my brain process the nonsense.

SIDE NOTE: I still don’t understand why they were yelling 20 octaves higher than the norm to guitar boy when it was only a millimeter away. Rule of thumb: Whisper, my little retards, when you can touch someone -- even if they're standing -- their ears are still functioning. I assure you they CAN hear you.

Anyways, I got used to the high noise level so they raised the steaks; five more retards joined the group…OH! Great! What a consequence your friends take this bus too! Moku is just tickled pink. And if I thought the first bunch were noisy fuckers OH, I was fooling myself, presenting, noisier fucktards. This bunch put the others to shame *shakes head*

So, now I’m seriously boxed in. Picture this, I’m in the window seat and in the two seats in front, behind AND across from me are retard teens (that all seem to know each other) and don’t forget guitar boys is at my side – who is always spoken TO (in completely unnecessary loud voices) but never speaks himself…maybe he's the smart one and sees my forehead vein pulsing.

Then the icing on the proverbial cake, one of the girls behind me starts to sing…not softy – no, no, that would be considerate..Wait, singing at all on the bus is inconsiderate! See what these teens are doing to me! AUGH! – She sings loud enough that the whole bus is starting to feel my pain! Now, she wasn’t a horrible singer but it was that “trying too hard to sound like Britney while singing a rock song” type of voice…just cuts thru you like butter, really.

Oh, when that bus reached downtown Brampton I was like get the hella outta my way NOW! Not later NOW! Guitar boy – oh, we had an understanding – he moved that case in 2 seconds flat. And I Moku- smashed my way outta there. Freedom!! Glorious Freedom!!

Moku out

I?m pretty annoyed right now?god damn customers?and their stupidity?AUGHH!!
Now Playing: with many things...evil things...things I can not talk about..SHHH!!
Topic: Work Rants

Since, my trash bin is over flowing with white Styrofoam cups – moku has a problem, okay – I think it’s a good time to post!

Multiple rants about Samsung Customers

I’ve started to see a pattern emerge as I “ARS Analyze” leading to only one conclusion: The customer is one dumb shit! It’s like the motto of Samsung (not a publicly known one of course). I hear it a lot-- in different variations: The customer is a retard; this woman is nuts; I’m going to kill him, etc… -- but it’s basically the same thing.

I’d like to point out, I have my own personal devil’s advocate (you know her as Jeanie: my ride to/from work) so please (and I do mean please as in if you even mention there is an excusable reason for the lame ass retard questions I deal with, you WILL be getting a smack down!) refrain from trying to give me a colorful illustrations as to why said customer can not find the TV section of the FAQ page when there is a picture of it right in front of them with big letters stating it is for TV related questions.

SIDE Note to all The Wrong Section People – or the really really dumb shits. There was a picture, a picture of the item you had a problem with, RIGHT there on the page!! Yeah, the one that looked JUST like your product. So tell me how you got MP3 player and TV mixed up!! What planet do you live on that has TV looking MP3 players!! *insert Jeanie lame explanation* OH! I see *smack*

Ah, back to the pattern

I’ve noticed that customers, yea even dumb ones, get more resourceful – finding new ways to spell "Initialize" even when I think it isn’t possible to spell it any other way!! I’m serious! They’re geniuses! – YET, at the same time progressively worse *sigh* As I now get Full caps and bad grammar! Two for the price of one! Oh! The FAQs just get better and better. *smack head on desk*

Moku out.

This post is as nameless as that growth on my left toe.
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: with those two dead hookers again (I just can't seem to part with them)
Topic: Work Rants

*Tumble Weed* well another day on the tenth floor. *yawn* For all those who don’t know, heather is moving on up…HURRAY for temporary displacement! It’s so quite up here *snaps fingers* darn it, can’t fart in my chair anymore. Ep! *remembers Theresa isn’t the only one who reads this* not that I actually do—did—that. Heehee…moving on…Post time!!

I could rant about the current state of the world but that takes a well rest moku and some degree of brain power – which cookies for breakfast have stolen from me-- Plus, I am prohibited from use the word "Smack down" anymore" by numberous people. Therefore, you get: God damn its cold outside rant.

God damn its cold outside…the end.

A Moku Weekend (Irritated Remix)
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: with my multiple personalities
Topic: My life (outside of work)

My eyes are killing me; nevertheless, my adoring fans, I’m sitting here staring at a screen writing because you little bastards have to have your daily posts--and I've put off doing this for a week. Now on with the posting!!

Countdown Pointlessness!

I spent *cough* wasted, my Sunday helping my “appreciative” Sister with some retard project while she insulted me and my creative input from the love-seat across the room. And since i'm not quite over that, let’s countdown the things Heather learned this weekend!!

Number 10: I learned the stupidity of helping someone while being verbally abused—i.e. Mich is a fuck-tard.

Number 9: I apparently can’t spell Station. (Stantion is the new improved heather version!)

Number 8: Speaking of Stantion, I learned white paint covers up ALL fucks ups!

Number 7: If it looks like crap ADD GLITTER!!! Oh!! Shinny!!!

Number 6: Criticizing Lori’s hard work is fun as hell! Very dangerous, but fun ass hell!!

Number 5: "I will kill" really doesn't deter people from insulting you. But it so cute when Lori says it. :P

Number 4: Don’t smell the permanent mark…you might accidentally get it on your nose (that shit is hard to get off! TRSUT ME!)

Number 3: Timmy Horton’s rejects NEVER get my order right: Extra Large GREEN tea, FIVE sweeteners, HALF cold water. Jeez, it’s like its fucking rocket science*.

Number 2: I discovered the point when randomly yelling out “Gay Porn” becomes annoying. Personally, I never get bored of inserting “gay porn” in to a sentence, but “some people” *rolls eyes* seem to think it can “gets old fast.”

Number 1: The Number one thing I learned is *drum roll* That there are funnier things than Mich’s pronunciation of “Gas” (geee-ass) yeah, I didn’t’ think it was possible either, but there is, Mich’s trying to fart face (don’t try to picture it, you have to see it) and her “OH! I farted” face, which is usually done in unison like this: Mich contorts her face as she tries to push out the gas bubble in her butt and then (for some odd reason) gets surprised when it comes out and does a “OH!” mouth with a “did I do that” expression.



* Fernie, you don’t have to be apologetic, it’s THEIR fault, not yours :P

Moku?s bad day
Mood:  down
Now Playing: not in the mood for this...can't listen to music at work.
Topic: Bus Stories

There are days when I don’t want to wake up in the morning then there are those day when I do wake up and feel pretty darn pleased with myself for rising without a cracking bone or groan only to find out lately I should have stayed the fuck home. Life is full of regrets, I suppose, now on with the post!

In steps fate, waiting with some thing good cooking on the back burner.

God, I don’t even know how to start this rant, I’ve actually re-written this first sentence ten times…fine; I’ll just be boring…

I walked over to the Purlador building last night after work to wait for Ms. Jeanie. I arrived at 5:00 and waited…and waited…waited a bit more….by 5:20, through chattering teeth I said “WTF man!” Decided enough was enough and called the PUs (Parental Units) ‘cause obvious I had been forgotten and they might have some clue as to why. They reported that Ms. Jeanis’s car was not in the driveway...huh? Then why the hell ain’t she here! My fingers were frozen and I was BEYOND pissed off as it was now 5:30 and I had to hike over to the bus stop (a good 10 minutes away) and hop on the smelly bus from hell to take the 2 hour trip home and hopefully arrive in time not to miss dance. Twenty minutes in to my bus ride on the 19 bus of horrible smells I got a little ring-a-ding. I answered and it was none-other than Ms. Where the fuck are you with a very sincere “I’m sorry” speal. Well, when you’re cold, pissed off and hungry “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it so I pretty much “hum, ah, uh-un”ed her away.

Skip a head two buses

I arranged with Lori to be picked up near the dance studio—the arrangement was I get off on Steeles, she grabs my dance clothes and I wait. And does anyone (knowing me) think that happened? Anyone? Anyone? Of course that didn’t flipping happen! I instead watched her pass by me—actually laughed at the predicament—and cried from the sear ridiculousness of the whole evil night. After a another five minutes of waiting and watching the Great U-Turn Queen in action I got into the warm car.

Some time passes

At the dance studio I went into the bathroom to change and if I wasn’t tired, hungry and severely pissed off I would have laughed like a mad women as I pulled out the wrong dance pants—there were my Sakura Cosplay pants (short black stretchy pants) which I could have worn if I’d shave in the last 3 weeks. I got over the “holy crap I’m going to kill someone” thing in a matter of moments with a “fuck it” (I didn’t’ actually say that…there were kids running around and all) I’ll just wear my work pants.

Fast Forward to Dance Class…

This actually wasn’t a horrible idea until Madam Russian Nazi made us jump around while she called out Random French gibberish that no one understood.

Russian Nazi: “Chapet! Chapet! “
Heather: *pant, pant* what…*looks at other students* Oh! Jump, right…*pant* why didn’t you just say..*pant* that.
Russian Nazi: no, talk, DANCE!

The Ballet Nazi got a wee-bit annoyed at my lack of skill and yelled at me—I, of course, blamed the pants being too long. She, of course, had a solution…a humiliating solution…two words Rubber Bands. Do I really need to go on?

After that crappy day everything was just chipper when I woke this morning to thundering and the pitter-patter of rain. I just can’t describe my joy.

Moku out.

Petro Canada has taken my desk away :-( So I?m now sharing a desk with the AssKisser.
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: with little pieces of paper
Topic: Work Rants

I could give the old “I’m annoyed at Samsung” rant but I’d like to think I’m more matured than that. I’m in a small confined area…but meh…C’est la Vie…Every non-Samsung employee thinks I’m the bloody secretary...*eye twitch* C’est la vie….I could possibly be experience a slight blissful intoxicating episode perhaps as a result of suppressed urges to kill…but c’est la vie, nes pas! Now, On with the post!

Why I hate this move:

Ever disliked someone and then were forced to spend a painfully large amount of time with them…WELCOME to fates new production of “Let’s make Moku more miscible at work!” I suppose it’s a good opportunities to study the ways of the brown-noser up close. *crocodile hunter impression* Now, today, boys and girls, we’ll be looking at the North Americans Ass Kisser. See the discoloration of the muzzle, that from years of wiping their nose in superior’s asses. *moku ends the lame joke and goes to kill herself for ever thinking a Crocodile Hunter joke was EVER clever or funny*

Now, this isn’t some spontaneous move as I’ve been randomly informing my co-workers that I’ll be repositioning my shit for two fuckin' weeks now. But still *sigh* every god damn one of them passes by me on there way to coffee or that after coffee piss, stops, and says “Oh! You got moved” Well, DUH! I didn’t just take it upon myself to relocate! Even if I did decided to up and play office shuffle would I pick the same place as Mr.AssKisser. Uh NO! I’d take a place in the back away from all the Samsung lovin’ “hey isn’t it nice working here” fuck-faced morons. Oh, the best is the on going joke that I'm in a fish bowl. Now, I have an over-active imagination but I don't get the comparsion. Fish bowl, blue; Cubical, Shit brown. Yeah, anyone else confused too.

I'd like to make this clear, since numberous people seem to be confused. I’m not the BLOODY secretary! NO, I'm not mary-fuckin’ sunshine, here to answer all your questions? No, I have absolutely no qualifications to assist you? and lastly, if I knew who Bill from Marketing was, I still wouldn't direct you 'cause I’m a pissed off relocated ARS analyst sitting next to someone *glare* who I just want to throw little pieces of paper at.

Moku out