Mich's moving to Windsor?
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*phew* hold on, I need a minute here to collect myself and apparently it takes me two minutes to do that, then another 5 to remember how to spell apparently - thank God for spell check or you'd all have to figure out what appartently means. Wow, I lost my train of thought...I'm sure I didn't have a point anyways SOOO moving on! What's new in Z-Town. ZIP all, my friends. This place just ain't blog worthy without AssKisser Sr. (who I hated with a PASSION! Annoying little monkey boy he was) I think I said last post I'd use daily life stuff...but I'm pretty tolerant of things I only have to deal for short amounts of time, so that's out. Humm...

Did I rant about Mich's moving to Windsor? No I didn't, did I. Well! Let me tell you, that girl just up and moves on me. One day she's vacating in Windsor the next I get an E-mail at work saying "oh, BTW I'm moving 4 hours away" Like WTF? Of course I got over that quick with a "SAY WHAT!" *Flash forward* everything was confirmed when (in true mich fashion)
she came home, gave herself a day to pack all her hit and clean the basement. HAHA I laughed at that too until I saw what Miss.Up and Leave Me considers "clean". Took me four f**kin' hours to gut that basement out after she left! OH! The mess! The trash! The humanity!

So Mich, AKA Miaka-chan, Mitch-da-bitch, has high-tailed it outta Curry Town and nested in a town that surprisingly looks a shitload like Oakville. Between Mario and Rob, My Fag Hag sister's bestest buds, I believe she'll be able to sustain her current level of comfort (minus the diseased infected rat hole we once called our basement--FOUR HOURS I swear! and she had the nerve to say it was clean PTFF!). Of course, if she ever gets homesick for clutter and dirt she can always cross the borders into that lovely ghetto known as Detroit.

OH GOD! don't get me started on Detroit! Every seen those T-shirt that read "Dear God, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat" NO NEED! stop that praying now sister, just move your chucky butt to Detroit. If you don't see them right away, don't fret, their properly in the house exercising the remote. But If you wanna see them in action, well honey, get your self to an All-you-can-eat Buffet. Now, i'm telling you all the truth, Moku no lie, I was surprised these people could leave their house without the fire department comin' in and breaking down a few walls, I shit you not! I didn't know people that big could move, let alone walk to a buffet table! -- repeatively, I might add, so many
times I lost count..two plates at a time! These people were Buffet Masters! I wanted to called them all my Buffet Gurus and proclaim their eatery
superiority. I almost did when Lori told me about the guy, who just couldn't wait for a flat surface, rippin' into that fried chicken three steps from their table. That's the SHIT rigth there. Teach me your ways, Oh Sensei Fat Man!

Before I get too into my fat bashing, (I mean before I forget) I should mention the lady standing right in front of the Pineapple bowl. This chick was just staring at the bowl full of yummy yellow goodness. Being the Canadian I am I waited...for TWO minutes! and when your hungry that is a LONG ass time. She didn't move towards the food, nope, she just
stood there. So, I had enough of that shit and by passed her. I noticing there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple; so, I reached for the honeydew tongs about two centermetres away (in plain sight!) and put the
pineapple on my plate. And I just could not believe this chick's reaction! She had the face that just screamed "OHHHHHHH!!! Good Idea!" Then turns to me and says "there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple" If the situations wasn't so damn stupid I might have given myself a mental pat-on-the-back but HELLO! You need tongs for pineapple but there are none; What do you do? Your solution: Stare at the bowl until it grows legs and walks over to you! Jesus! I didn't believe the IQ went down as the Temperature went up but DAMMNNNN!! Americans are stupid! Okies, I'm
generalizing, which I do quite often on this blog...I hope you're not waiting for a "but" there isn't one. I admit I'm a biget, MOVING ON! Shit that's it...my ranty mood is over. and I have to get ready for 3
meetings (in a F**kin row!). LATER MY FANS! *kiss kiss*

Moku out.

Confessions of an Ebayer
Now Playing: with mud...nope not mud..ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*stands up and clears throat* I, heather, have a problem. *sits down*
okaayyyy, still have the urge to click "bid" that did jack shit!

Confessions of an Ebayer

What is the lure of the brightly coloured E B A and Y, you ask? Well,
Mainly -- and quite obviously -- the fact that I can sit in my underwear at 2 am in the morning eating cheesies and buy stuff! Now, I’m not completely diluted, I know there is a down side to Ebay but really, people, cheesies and underwear says it all. The benefits -- in this case -- FAR out weigh the cons, ne.

Now I don’t wanna hear any shit either, non-ebayers, get with the program: malls are so 90s! The next time you cruise the plaza in your tightie whities munchin' on deep fried cheese loggie goodness get the fuck back to me with your "the mall is the bomb" nag. You know what the mall has? It has weird smells, people asking me to "try this" and not waiting for a "no thanks" before spraying me with something toxic! and don't get me started on my biggest peeve of the mall: Teenagers. Ah fuck it, I haven't really ranted in a while so here I go. Between the Emo kids, the fucking "center of the universe" retards who can't use their "indoor voices" and those "got daddies plastic" tweets, I'm about an under-aged 13 yr old smoker away from taking an AK47 with me on my next visit to Shoppers’.

In all fairness to me, Moku need some love and understand, ya know – I have “issues” remember -- I wouldn’t even buy that much if it wasn’t for this combined shipping scam they’ve got going. After buying one item the seller informs you that if you buy more from him you get a discount on shipping. Sometimes as low as 50 cents. Come on! You can’t pooh-pooh that away! 50 fuckin’ cents! That’s the shit right there! Of course, being ME, I’ll bid on completely useless crap just for the sake of the cheaper shipping – I have a problem (we’ve been over this) I know. I EVEN ask myself as a stare at the “bid now” button, “do I really want that half eaten sandwich Tom Cruise didn’t eat.. ..50 cent shipping FUCK YEAH!!” I’m serious..well not about the half eaten sandwich but subtract cruise and sandwich, and that my friends, is the mental routine of about every purchase I’ve made in that last three months. Damn you ebay!!

So in a nut shell, yea, moku is anti-social, borderline mentally retarded and basically fucked up...therefore, in my opinion
(which is the only opinion on this blog that counts) Ebay is better. *takes a bow* Thank you. This has been a public announcement brought to you by EA (Ebayer’s Anonymous)

Moku (passed) out.

The origins of the Mokulen!!
Topic: My life (outside of work)
Well in light of my resent writer’s block (or my laziness..tomato, Tamoto) I’ve decided to explain the origins of the Mokulen22 nickname.

This is actually a stupid story but...

In the 7th grade (a little over ten years now) I watched an anime called "Please Save me Earth" one of the main Character's name was Shukaido, I thought the name was cool so when I was thinking up a name for my first Yahoo account that year I tried to use it. But alas, it was taken; yahoo give me suggestions for a number to add on and I picked 22. So my first Yahoo account was shukaido22 @ yahoo.com but seeing as I was only 12 and retarded I couldn't remember how to spell shudaido so I rearly used it and the account was closed. A few mouths later I decided to try again using a Please Save my Earth character with an easier name to remember, Mokulen. Of course, Mokulen was already taken so when I had to pick a number to go after I picked the same 22 I had before.

I told you it was a boring story. :P

And here I thought Gay-no-porn was boring, I was wrong so very wrong?
Topic: My life (outside of work)
I dragged my sick ass to my first day at driving school Saturday morning expecting to be dubbed
“germ-bag” girl but it seems the Brampton’s sick population like to torture them selves 9 o clock on Saturday’s as well with a little driving 101. So I wasn’t blacklisted for the horse coughing and mucus sniffing and that’s where the pluses end, my friends..not that you can call being packed in a tiny room with 10 other fevering bodies breathing in germ infested circulated air a plus..but it’s the only semi-upside experienced at Ultimate Drivers.

I get it! You’re not PC

Hurray for me in getting the “Yeah, I’m cool, I’m just like you…only 30” teacher ‘cause that just made a lame experience even lamer. My instructor was Greg, who liked to say “Sorry, I’m not politically correct” every three sentences when he didn’t even say anything offensive. I mean, if he said “yeah, them niggers” I’d understand but he was like “my neighbor is a bit *takes five minutes to think of a word* “he’s a bit robust” then say, “sorry I should’ve warned you I’m not PC” *rolls eyes* oh, yeah, you’re the next Howard Stern. A mild annoyance but after 100th time I just wanted to scream “I get it you’re not PC, can we move on now!” Of course moving on meant moving on to the lesson, and that was death!

Lesson one: Road Rage

What did heather learn about Road Rage, let me get my notes *gets notes* okay, here we go…I learned, doodle of a cat…two anime “kill me now” drawings and an entire page of flowers. Okies, I fess up I didn’t take down notes, why would I? Everything was summed up in the movie: Road Rage equals bad! The End.

Lesson Two-Four: *shrug*

Beats me 'cause I was half a sleep in a feverish blur. But I was able to pass the test at the end using common sense. When in doubt cirle "all of the above" A guy that isn't cleaver enough to realize he is PC but conintues to say otherwise isn't cleaver enough to think up a trick "all of the above" question.

Driving School Videos

God where do I start with the videos. I suppose with the first one I was forced to endure

Video 1: Road Rage

Fat balding white collar dude, oh, excuse me, that’s not PC, I mean Mr. Fuck does it matter gets into his car. Two seconds into driving something royally pisses him off – this is called Road Rage, by-the-way – and he starts beating his horn and yelling…okies, I see, where their going with this video, Rage in your car is bad *clap clap* I’ve learn my lesson now press stop…oh! There’s more to learn! The Road Rage dude is seriously honking up this idling mini van when out of the blue the guy comes out of his van with a fucking tire iron! Yeah, he just happens to have a tire iron right there in his lap ‘cause you never seen him go to the trunk to get anything and smashes the shit outta Mr. Fuck does it matter’s car! Once and for all proving two road ragers don’t mix. I’m so enlightened.

Video Number Two: The Mullet-con says keep Canada beautiful

This one was about fuel emissions and saving the environment *under breath* damn you Greenpeace. This movie had a host and since he looked like an Ex-con and sporting a mullet we’ll call him Mullet-Con. Now you’d think a short film with a tattooed muscle man teaching me how to conserve gas would be funny as hell but seriously it was just lame and sad, ‘cause you knew Mullet-Con was just doing this to get a lighter sentence on a DUI. I blocked most of this movie out (the mullet was too distracting, sorry) so I really can’t explain what happened other than Mullet-Con seriously recommends what ever the hell he recommends in order to keep Canada beautiful.

Video Number three: Holy Smashing Car Phones Batman!

I think I can learn a lot of the 80s, certain things never change BUT a lot of shit does, like the law. In this video we learn what to do if we come across a car accident. The movie, being all 80s and ignorant, instructs us to help the injured people in the car – say what now? Doesn’t that leave me open to being sued? Oh, no no the film says, you wont get sued *cough* MY ASS! Then they say to call 911 at a near by house or on your Car phone. Car phone? You’re shitten me right, they thought that the car phone would last the test of time enough to mention it in a movie they obviously knew they’d be keeping for a while. And this ladies and Gentlemen is the Driving School heather picked out of the fast amount of school in Brampton. But I did learn one thing from the movie, moaning car crash victims are so funny, their over-acting moaning sounded more like grunting animal sex. Heehee.

Well, that wraps up the movies (I think there was one more but I forgot what it was about) and I didn’t learn diddly.

The Fucktard in my class

The six hours I spend at Ultimate Driver might not have been so horrible, even with the 80s crap driving school flicks and the PC instructor but then you have to factor in the rest of the class, the fucktards: Ages ranging from 15-20 with the maturity level of three. Actually the girls were fine, dumb as a brick but not all together unpleasant (meaning I could ignore them) but the boys *sighs* if only I had the Tire Iron.

Well, I have to cut this short, its 4:15 and I have to edit this and I have some work to finish up before I’m off to another wonderful adventure at Driving School.

Moku out

Gay Porn my ASS!
Mood:  irritated
Topic: My life (outside of work)
Oh my god, this day is going by so slow..or maybe ‘cause I’m knee deep in mucus, fucking cold. Anyways, on with today’s post!

The Yaoi movie that made heather go, WTF?

So, yesterday I decided my sick ass needed some entertainment before I passed out for the night so I thought, why not watch the Yaoi (boy//boy relationship) movie I downloaded a few days earlier. The movie’s title was Boku wa Kono Mama Kaeranai, meaning Our Road of No return, yeah it’s a retarded title, I can only assume the relevance is loss in translation ‘cause that title means dick even after watching the movie. Now I’m sure you’ll all disgusted with heather’s exploits into the unknown territory of gay loving but when it’s a toss between Friends re-runs and gay loving, sorry Jennifer Anderson but I’m opting for the fudge-packers.

Two seconds into the film I get a neon warning cautioning me that gay porn is a coming! Say what now?!! I should point out (before you all start avoiding me) that this was not porn, at least I wasn’t aware that I downloaded porn. It was suggested that it a “love story” Big neon warning sign two seconds into a film make you think you’re two seconds away from gang-banging action. So, Now, I was expecting “some” serious sexual activity, not some dry humping action with a nipple here and there, I was expecting penises flying in every direction pornography! Not that I was looking to get excited over a cartoon soft-core prono but I wanted something, you know, now that they got my mind in the gutter with that warning. But sadly that is not what moku got..boo. Basically, I could have gotten more action from watching simulated sex scenes on prime time television hearing the humping noises and mentally picturing the two main characters doing the horizontal tango.

Now, I read the synopsis, there was supposed to be a plot, I repeat I was promised a fucking plot! Now I know I had a fever but trust me I was coherent enough to turn my computer on I’m coherent enough to detect a plot, which this movie DID NOT have. Fucking synopsis is a lying sack of herpes, it is. Of course it took watching all 45 minutes of it to realize it had no plot, so I’ll have to break it down for you, ‘cause you need to realize how much I regret wasting forth-five minutes of my life on this non-porn boredom of a movie.

Okies, so after the “Gay Porn's a Coming” warning it flips to a chick, yeah a chick! The first screen in this supposed gay porn is a chick, oh the irony. We see her run off towards the main character, Ritsurou, or gay boy number one, who is a complete closet homo. What! Gay boys got a girlfriend! WFT? After a torturingly long talk between the two you realize the girlfriend is lonely ‘cause she ain't getting the love from Closet Gay Boy 1 (surprise, surprise, wake up and smell the Barbara Streisand records, you fucktard!). Next screen lonely clueless girlfriend is trying to call her gay boyfriend from a payphone on the street (why she’s on the street using a payphone and not her own home phone is never explained…maybe the clueless bitch is homeless.) Anyways, out of no where Ken, Gay boy number two, enters the story leaning on a building looking all smexy. So, of course, lonely girlfriend and gay boy # 2 do the nasty BUT you only hear about it. Yeah, while Ken is getting it on with the girlfriend we get to see dramatic scenery NOT tits, asses, or any sexual activity! NOPE! Its cherry blossom and different angles of angsty Closet gay boy 1 walking arround town oblivious to the major fucking we’re not allow to see.

Closet homo finds out the gay boy two slept with his girlfriend. How? that’s never explained either, he’s just flippin’ physic *rolls eyes* So, closet homo tries to beat the shit out of his bud, yeah, apparently their best friends! Oh burn! But I stopped feeling sorry for closet gay after he had a another long boring convo with his girlfriend saying how he wasn’t pissed at her ‘cause gay boy # 2 always steals his girlfriends…ah wait a minute here, he steals all your girls and you’re still friends? You’re both obvious homosexuals who want to jump each other’s bones but your fighting over a girl *rubs head* this movie makes my head hurt!

Moving on, during the fight Gay boy 2 kisses Closet homo, which of course our sexually confused closet homo enjoys but runs off like a little bitch ‘cause “he’s not gay!” blah blah, right, you’re complete hetro…*pff*

Flash forward with a few more cherry tree screens and head shots of the retardedly lame love triangle and Closet homo is still with Clueless retard, apparently they worked things out, and they’re trying to have sex as Closet homo needs to prove to himself he’s a straight man. At this point half the movie is over and I haven’t seen one naughty body part, god damn it! So, I’m like OH YEAH baby! But alas, closet gay just can’t go through with it…having sex with a willing young girl is just too hard (god! Why did I continue to watch this movie!).

Well, you can’t perform sexually and you’re feeling down, where do you turn? To Gay boy number two! Closet gay knocks on the door, oh, no answer…wait, the door is open, why don’t I just walk in and proceed to the bed room. Closet gay looks around and what does he find? Just gay boy 2 in the buff all bondaged up! NOW that’s what I’m talking about! Now, Closet gay’s expression SHOULD be priceless right? WRONG! He just walks in calmly picks up the load of cash on the floor and says “I thought you were going to stop this?” WHAT! No mention was EVER made that Gay boy 2 was a man-whore..yeah, you saw a dozen scenes with him walking the streets look all smexy but I thought that’s just the “gay thing” to do. Damn it more missed opportunities to see the male member. Oh and if you thought I saw anything that would justify that “gay porn” warning in the beginning of the film NOPE! Just his ass. For some reason (I can’t remember I wasn’t paying much attention to the movie at this point) the two start fighting, verbally this time. Closet gay stalks off like a little bitch, AGAIN!

Scenery and imagery of time passing that would make a university film major jealous wastes ten more minutes of my life when "3 month later" caption would have worked better and saved the last of my patience with this crap movie.

Flash to boring dialogue between girlfriend and closet gay where we find out – girlfriend must have pulled this info out of her ASS ‘cause no where in the ten minute scenery shots did they show this – that Gay boy 2 is moving to Singapore. Closet gay is like “NO! I have to go make up with him!” and off he runs *smacks head on desk* He is such a little bitch!

Long story short, without any ANY nudity gay boy one and two do the nasty and are now in love. Oh my god! I just didn’t see that happening *rolls eyes* and off they go to tell clueless girlfriend ‘cause apparently she’d like to know right away! But before they can tell her she comes riding up on a bike and sees the two kissing. And what does she do kiddies? She goes riding off like a little bitch! I swear I was chanting “get hit by a bus! Please get hit by a bus!” I hated her so much, clueless fucktard.

So, following the structure of this movie, something dramatic happens must be followed by pointless scenery indicating passing of time.

First day of the new school year (what year? who know!), Clueless fucktard has cut her hair to show she's sad (aww..fucking loser)and tells Closet gay that she’s sorry she cheated but she’s happy he knows what it feels like to have his heart broken cause she’s all angsty blah blah, moving on..she runs off like a little fucking bitch for the last time HURRAY! Closet gay walks over to see his class schedule not fazed at all by ditz head’s proclamation and in enters Gay boy number three! Whispering to closet gay that he had fun or whatever with Gay boy 2. Then some imagery for another four minutes, a shot of each character and the movie is officially over! And heather is left thinking WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!

What was the purpose of Gay Boy # 3! He was in for 2.5 seconds, says something that opens a WHOLE can of worms then BOOM movie over! but more importantly where was the PORN! I didn't expect porn since this isn't supposed to be a porno movie but don't flash WARNING WARNING PORN! when the worst we see is a bare ass! We didn't even see the fucktard girlfriends jugs! I saw her half double A bra for a second, what is the PG-13! I'm done, I'm offically done with this movie..I will now forget it.. Laugh and then forget it. 'cause it just isnt worth anymore of my time.

Moku out.

A little Christmas rant to warm you up
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: pointy things...and bad thoughts
Topic: My life (outside of work)
The Christmas party continuation is coming, keep your pants on! but first a litte christmas cheer...

I still have not started X-mas shopping and it's the 13th!! OMG! I'm fucked! The malls are nuts! I'm seriously scared, so very scared *shudder* 20 million pushers and shoves fighting over inanimate objects like their lives depend on getting that “special gift” from this store rigth now. What will I do....Man, I miss my credit card; I could buy everything online and fuck the malls and all this crazy busy bullshit! But alas I keep putting it off...damn it! Damn my laziness!!

I need to buy at least one gift so when people talk about X-mas shopping I don't have to hide in a corner rotating my thumbs so no one notices me and asks if I'm done my Christmas shopping. I just can’t take the “oh, you should start soon” WELL DUH!! But Thanks for the legs up, ‘cause I was thinking of starting December 24th. God, people annoy me…especially around the holidays when they have carols wedged in their ears jamming up the brain signals that should be telling them that pointing out the obvious makes them look like jack asses.

I'll start soon...damn that Secret Santa things is on Friday too CRAP CRAP CRAP! I have to get some big 10th floor dude a present...AUGHH!! I don’t know how the other half lives I'm poor I know what poor people want, money! People with money...what the hell do I get them! What am I going to do!! I thought of booze but that seems like I'm saying he has a drinking problem or that the office gossip is that he on the sauce...damn it!!

Can you tell I'm stressed! AUGHHHH!!!!! I have no time!! Well I have Mondays now 'cause I dropped ballet (HURRAY!!!) but Monday is over now...FUCK! I suppose today is a good day...I have to take the bus anyways...god damn evil mall with 100 million people...grrrr...and it's so COLD!!!

Wow, I've been babbling on for a while now......hahaha...more random swearing before I say goodbye FUCK-a-die FUCK FUCK!!

Moku out

P.S. This rant is based off of an E-mail I sent Fernie this morning

Theresa-chan's ideas on "Barbie"
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: My life (outside of work)

You know you just don’t know someone until you attempt to purchase a Barbie for a needy child with them.

On Saturday Theresa and I were shopping for some children my company is sponsoring for the holidays. We had two young girls on the list, nine and seven, so we were looking at scented Babies, yeah, she smells now…give the kids more reason to chew on her feet (I’m not the only one who did that as a kid…come on, now!) I wasn’t sure what “background” these two girls were so I was a little dumbfounded as to what Barbie to get them. But it was okay, ‘cause Theresa -- in the Barbie aisle of Zellers-- explained the Fundamental Universal Principals on Barbie Doll Playing:

Black children could care less if you give them white, black, or “slightly tanned clearly “ethnic” Barbie. Where as White children only want white Barbie; apparently it will cause severe metal stress to their psyche if you give them culturally diverse Barbie. Therefore, if ya don't know, White Barbie is the way to go.

Now, I’m paraphrasing, of course; I can’t put it quite as eloquent as Theresa did. The funny part is as we’re having this obviously racist convo. I realized that white Barbie smells like vanilla. OH! Real original *shakes head* what was Mattel fresh out of wheat checker scent. I didn’t smell black Barbie, under Theresa’s Barbie principal I wasn’t allowed to consider it an option… but tanned “California” *cough* Hispanic *cough* Barbie, which passed by her radar (Score one for Diversity!!!), smelled like Coconut…apparently the stereotyping scents crosses the line with taco scented Barbie.

But as a Canadians, I felt horrible for stereotyping…oh, I fully admit to joinin’ in on the rascal stereotyping fun! If you can’t be racist in a public shopping center during the holiday Christmas season in the Toy department, well when the hell can you be?

I gave in to Theresa's principal, the thought of being the cause of more emotionally scared white kids really got to me, and bought white barbie and span..I mean..California Barbie *smile*

Moku out

P.S. HAHA!! Making Theresa-chan look racist is SUPER fun!!! But seriously people she’s not a bit racist, I swear, no, no, actually she the BIGGIEST racist I know!! It’s always “black people this” or “they’re taking all our jobs that” Some people are just ignorant, eh, it’s so sad.

P.S.S. I’m completely lying Theresa is not a racist…well, as far as I know *shrug*

A Moku Weekend (Irritated Remix)
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: with my multiple personalities
Topic: My life (outside of work)

My eyes are killing me; nevertheless, my adoring fans, I’m sitting here staring at a screen writing because you little bastards have to have your daily posts--and I've put off doing this for a week. Now on with the posting!!

Countdown Pointlessness!

I spent *cough* wasted, my Sunday helping my “appreciative” Sister with some retard project while she insulted me and my creative input from the love-seat across the room. And since i'm not quite over that, let’s countdown the things Heather learned this weekend!!

Number 10: I learned the stupidity of helping someone while being verbally abused—i.e. Mich is a fuck-tard.

Number 9: I apparently can’t spell Station. (Stantion is the new improved heather version!)

Number 8: Speaking of Stantion, I learned white paint covers up ALL fucks ups!

Number 7: If it looks like crap ADD GLITTER!!! Oh!! Shinny!!!

Number 6: Criticizing Lori’s hard work is fun as hell! Very dangerous, but fun ass hell!!

Number 5: "I will kill" really doesn't deter people from insulting you. But it so cute when Lori says it. :P

Number 4: Don’t smell the permanent mark…you might accidentally get it on your nose (that shit is hard to get off! TRSUT ME!)

Number 3: Timmy Horton’s rejects NEVER get my order right: Extra Large GREEN tea, FIVE sweeteners, HALF cold water. Jeez, it’s like its fucking rocket science*.

Number 2: I discovered the point when randomly yelling out “Gay Porn” becomes annoying. Personally, I never get bored of inserting “gay porn” in to a sentence, but “some people” *rolls eyes* seem to think it can “gets old fast.”

Number 1: The Number one thing I learned is *drum roll* That there are funnier things than Mich’s pronunciation of “Gas” (geee-ass) yeah, I didn’t’ think it was possible either, but there is, Mich’s trying to fart face (don’t try to picture it, you have to see it) and her “OH! I farted” face, which is usually done in unison like this: Mich contorts her face as she tries to push out the gas bubble in her butt and then (for some odd reason) gets surprised when it comes out and does a “OH!” mouth with a “did I do that” expression.



* Fernie, you don’t have to be apologetic, it’s THEIR fault, not yours :P

Halloween Rants
Now Playing: with the idea of killing a few people.
Topic: My life (outside of work)

I love Halloween, it’s one of my favorite holidays (I love dressing up and free candy—what can I say) but I have a few rants about yesterday none-the-less…but all-in-all I enjoyed the day VERY much!

Rant 1: Where da kids at?

I’m not sure what fundamentalist group killed Halloween but its dead people. When five kids ring the doorbell during the prime hour (7 o clock) of trick-o-treating we can safely say the screw balls have won. But seriously, I can’t believe that the majority of the neighbor children have “found Jesus” and are held up in some church some where. So, where the kids at? I can only think they found some gold mine of sweets on another street—does my street suck that much…it’s free candy you picky bastards!

Rant 2: Left with the defected…oh joy.

Apparently, the nice sweet kids didn’t tell the rude ones about the gold mine ‘cause they’re the ones who showed up at my house. *sarcastic* Hurray! When I was young we said “Trick or Treat” and then got the candy and said “thank you” not really a hard concept, when you think about it, yet, it is beyond these defective youths. Apparently, it’s now just shove bag in my face and walk off—not run with enthusiasm to the next house, nope, walk slowly like you’re bored shitless. Really people, when a toddler dressed up as a ladybug can’t erase the lack of smiles, “trick-o-treat’s, and “thank you”s I’ve lost all hope for Halloween.

Rant 3: Giving candy to the undeserving for fear of flying eggs

I can’t count the number of half assed costumed or no costume at all teens I gave candy to just for the fact that I like my house yoke-free. Really, should this even be an issue! Should I really been giving retard 16 year olds tiny bite-size chocolate bars souly on the basis that I fear their retaliation if I don’t comply? *sigh* I suppose, it’s a apart of the new rules of Halloween.

New Rules of Halloween

Rule One: Kid are no longer require to say “trick or treat”, “thank you”, or anything at all that would be considered festive or display their good manners.
Rule Two: Pressing the doorbell is all that is required to reserve candy…just shove the bad in the home owners face like a beggar.
Rule Three: Smiling is not allow,
Rule Four: MUST drag feet like this is first period on a Monday after the holidays from house to house.
Rule Five: Big Kid abiding by rules 1 & 2 will egg house if they don’t get Candy.

Feel free to add some—use the comment button.

The Ugly Shirt that Heather Made
Now Playing: as I've said before
Topic: My life (outside of work)
So, I decided to pick up fabric and make something for Halloween that I wouldn’t be completed embarrassed to display to my fellow employees. Of course I picked up the fabric and supplies without really thinking what I wanted to make; therefore, after a good five hours I’m now the proud owner and creator of The Ugly Shirt.

SIDE NOTE: I think I’m going to be a designer and label my creations The Ugly Shirt brand. Now just Just picture it!

Solgon: Cool and True! Life is a Pun!

Random person: Wow, that’s an ugly shirt!
Another Random Person: Yeah, it’s an ugly shirt, alright! *shows label* see, says so right here!

No one would be offended if someone said “that’s an ugly shirt” ‘cause the wearer would know it is! Smart, ne?

*blink blink*

I’m really over thinking this unlikely idea, eh? Well, I like the idea…might even consider doing it before I get all tired and lazy and realize I’d have to actually do some physically action to bring the idea to life. :P

Back on Track (oh, how my mind wanders)

I think I’ll take a picture of it tomorrow and post it on here…you have to see it. It’s on Mrs. Boobs right now (oh, for those of you who don’t know who Mrs. Boobs is, she’s my dressmaking manikin…she has big pointy knockers so really—if you’ve seen her—the name is really self explanatory.) In all it’s crappiness! I have to re-sew the arms too but then it might be an actual functional shirt and lose its “ugly shirt” status...hmm…decisions, decisions.

POINTLESS SIDE NOTE: The fucking thing scared the crap out of me this morning (I get up at 6am so it’s still dark) I wake up to see a headless shadow in the corner of the room—I think I’ll move Mrs. Boobs tonight *shudder*

Bulletin: My baby’s got a job!! *clap clap* For Theresa!! HURRAY!!