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Moku's Rants
Wednesday, 8 February 2006
Jesus this is a long one, eh!
Every notice you don’t seem to by aware to life’s little “hey fucker, you should be paying attention to this” until you’re washing off all the excess foreshadows about 30 seconds after-the-fact. I've been smackin' my common sense for awhile now and I think we've come to an more Rant balls. You know, first everything is a mild annoyance but continues to pack on the "oh, no she didn't" making them pet peeves 'cause you didn't think it was "that big a deal" until you want to kill someone (whether you'll get away with it or not. Well, here's my rant ball -- I got a fucktard for an driving instructor

Lesson number one!

I got a call about 12ish on Saturday from Mrs. drivin’ Instructor asking where festoon place was – okay, Instructor doesn’t know the streets in Brampton --I take this as a GOOD sign things will go well. I told her and three minutes later she was waiting in my driveway.

Now, I paid my $185 to get in-car instruction wayyy back when I first signed up with Ultimate Drivers, now you’d think that would be written down some where right? WRONG! Two second in the car with Mrs. Driving Instructor (now abbreviated to Ms. DI) I get “Cheque Please” Which I would have respected -- ‘cause I can understand the “get money first before names, hellos, and general light conversation” – if she wasn’t such a fucktard. I reply, “I already paid” and here folks is the award winning rebuttal from Ms. DI “oh, are you sure” *looks to the left, then to the right* ah, yeah I’m sure, as in I gave the nice man at the counter a debit card two months ago and clicked “ok” to $375 smackers. And since I have this pretty yellow paper right here saying I paid, a receipt from your BOSS, and my bank account is $375 in the hole, I’ll assume the transact was successful. It’s nice to know the lines of commutation between employees is wide open at Ultimate Drivers *rolls eyes*

Now I had never driven before so being all self-preserving I told her that thinking she would value her life as well and not expect too much outta me. *smacks head on desk* Ms.DI just didn’t give a fuck – apparently she wants to die – and she piss-poshed my confession away with a “yeah, I know” The actual conversation when a little like this:

Me: You know I’ve never driven before.
Ms. DI: Yeah, I know
Me: I mean, I’ve never driven, ever
Ms.DI: I know
Me: I don’t even know how to turn on the car
Ms. DI:I know.
Me: *blank stare* okkkaayyy.

At that point she had me back out of the driveway (yeah I got to go in reverse my very first time driving!) I always thought you learned to crawl then walk but Ms. DI set my straight on that one. *grin* So, now I’m driving; I tried to go slow but Ms. DI wasn’t having any of that self-preservation crap, nope, I had to match the speed of the other cars – fuck if she cared that the other drivers were SPEEDING! So, I’m now speeding on a major road that is busy as hell ‘cause Stitches is having a 50% off sale; and do you wanna know WHY, kiddies? Not for the experience, nope! I’m risking causing a major accident from complete lack of knowing what the fuck I’m doing (while speeding) because fucking “Can’t teach for shit” instructor needed to give a paper to her boss at Ultimate Drivers. Wait a flippin’ minutes here lady! You’re on MY time! And on my time there will be no death-trap driving on Queen St. NOPE NOPE NOPE! No hitting two birds with one stone on my time, honey!

It was at this point I decided I officially do not like driving!

Lesson Two (and three…stupid bitch likes to hit those birds *sigh*)

I did indeed decided the last week that I hated driving but (for some reason) I didn’t clue in to Ms. DI being the cause. I actually thought she was just preachy-keen UNTIL lesson two and three -- which she slapped together without really asking me. She just told me, “we’ll do two lessons today ‘cause I have no others booked” okkkkayy, sure –

SIDENOTE: Jeanie didn’t drive me home on Friday so I had to take public transit. While waiting for the 1A bus something flew up in to my left eye. I tried to blink it out but it made it worst. So, me being an idiot rubbed my eyes raw for about 4 hours before I got home (I went to the mall). It was there that I realized I looked like a drug addict. My eye was KILLin’ me! I couldn’t even watch TV so I just went to bed at 9:30.

Back on track…

So, my eye was hurtin’ like a son of a bitch but I thought what the hell, Theresa isn’t coming over why not drive around in a big metal machine! I actually contemplated telling her I didn’t feel up to driving but really I wasn’t about to argue and start another “I know” conversation circle. She really didn’t seem to care that she was in serious danger the last time so *shrug*

Anyways, after an hour of driving around making a few “whoops! My bad” moves ‘cause of my failing vision in my left eye and the blurriness of the right from a growing headache – really, I should have said something, whatta think? – Ms. DI gets on the Cellphone. I should have mentioned this before but this chick is ALWAYS on the phone. Who is she talking to, fuck I should know I don’t speak what ever Indian language she speaks. Another thing I should point out when you’re learning to drive and you have a headache from a possibly blind left eye DON’T listen to Indian music – not the time or place, Ms. DI, now TURN IT off!! (NOTE: I had to listen to that for the whole two hours *groan*) Getting back on topic, Ms. DI was on the cell phone talking in whatever language when she noticed a girl didn’t sign some sheet – which, by the way, is Ms. DI’s fault but in her head it's completely this teen’s blunder *rolls eyes* SO now I have to drive to Fortinos so Ms. DI can get this signature or it’s her ass on the line (not mine, thou, but that doesn’t matter -- Moku’s time doesn’t matter, remember…boo *throws stone at Ms. DI* I’ll give you your two birds!)

Okies, I thought Queen St. was bad, no; I was so wrong, so very wrong. Fortinos on a Saturday afternoon is a NIGHTMARE!! But at least she let me go 20m/h for once. I went into the place with her (‘cause I didn’t see the point in waiting like an idiot in the drivers seat while other cars honked at me for the parking space. Long store short, we didn’t find the girl, didn’t get the sheet signed and moku is a bit more traumatized about driving.

Now, back on the roads *sign* When I thought I just couldn’t take anymore, it started snowing. Awww..look at the pretty snow..NO wait! SNOW!! And it wasn’t just snow it was hail, wind and snow! I’m not prepared for this shit! Moku wants to go home! But Ms. DI wants to get paid so that’s outta the question. SO, it’s snowing like a mother and what does Ms.DI want heather to do! Learn left hand turns! OH goodies! The slippery roads will make this go smoothly – minus the fact that my left eyes is throbbing! I’m fine, really. *forced smile*

Edit: OMG how could I forget the clicking noise!! THis chick (Ms. DI of course) made this God-awful distracting as HELL noise with her noise and throat every fuckin' time I make some mistake. Didn't matter is it was a small little "didn't look over your shoulder" or a full on stop in the middle of an intersection. I didn't get an explaination after the first clicking either, nope, once she knew I understood her code language of clickin' she just clicked away and I had to scramble my brian for what the hell I just did wrong 'cause I've never driven before so I have no clue and she not tellin' me...*sigh* I really hate driving. :(

Well, I pulled though it, as I’m still here to whine about it but guess who isn’t here, kiddies! Oh, just guess? RIGHT Mr. DI!! 9:00am sharp, Ultimate Drivers got a call from Heather requesting another in-car teacher. Now, I’m not cruel, I didn’t mention WHY I wanted another one. I just made up some excuse about differing schedules. So, in closing to this VERY long rant BYEBYE Ms. DI, well all miss you..NOT!!!

Posted by Moku-Sama at 1:05 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 8 February 2006 1:23 PM EST
Friday, 3 February 2006
haha, some people's children
I know you all don't believe me that I get these fucked up FAQs but I do! and now I have a picture to prove it!

Stop Swearing at me Sir

Posted by Moku-Sama at 1:09 PM EST
The origins of the Mokulen!!
Topic: My life (outside of work)
Well in light of my resent writer’s block (or my laziness..tomato, Tamoto) I’ve decided to explain the origins of the Mokulen22 nickname.

This is actually a stupid story but...

In the 7th grade (a little over ten years now) I watched an anime called "Please Save me Earth" one of the main Character's name was Shukaido, I thought the name was cool so when I was thinking up a name for my first Yahoo account that year I tried to use it. But alas, it was taken; yahoo give me suggestions for a number to add on and I picked 22. So my first Yahoo account was shukaido22 @ but seeing as I was only 12 and retarded I couldn't remember how to spell shudaido so I rearly used it and the account was closed. A few mouths later I decided to try again using a Please Save my Earth character with an easier name to remember, Mokulen. Of course, Mokulen was already taken so when I had to pick a number to go after I picked the same 22 I had before.

I told you it was a boring story. :P

Posted by Moku-Sama at 11:46 AM EST
Updated: Friday, 3 February 2006 11:48 AM EST
Wednesday, 25 January 2006
I have been neglecting my blog duty, bad Moku :P
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: with your life! muhahahahah
Topic: Work Rants
A fucking “sorry” would be nice

So, I’m whizzing in the bathroom – damn green tea goes through ya like *snaps fingers* that – everything is horror movie quite and no other human being is in the bathroom. I go to leave when *BANG* something hits the door of my stall like a fucking bomb! I was like “AHHH!HH! “OMG HOLY SHIT!” I actually said this out loud. I opened the door slowly (horror movie style) only to discover no one was there. The Banger had already smashed her (I can only assume—it is the girl’s washroom) way into the next stall FUCK! What is her fucking problem! She made absolutely NO noise coming in but crashes her way into a bathroom stall! Lady, take a chill pill and fucking RELAX! Who bangs a flipping’ door like that unless you really have to go anyways– which she didn’t ‘cause I didn’t hear any pissing or explosive diarrhea!

And you know what else, I didn’t get a “sorry for scaring the crap outta ya” or “oh, excuse me” Either! Nope! I get BOOM! Then earth shaking smash on the neighboring door that rocks all joining stalls without a word that a human being is even in the bathroom – so moku’s active imagination thinks were under attack from bladder-full aliens! Either way, Moku's ready to high-tail it outta there. No way I was sticking around to confront Ms. Psycho’s, fuck that! I value my life.

Moku out.

Posted by Moku-Sama at 9:28 AM EST
Monday, 9 January 2006
And here I thought Gay-no-porn was boring, I was wrong so very wrong?
Topic: My life (outside of work)
I dragged my sick ass to my first day at driving school Saturday morning expecting to be dubbed
“germ-bag” girl but it seems the Brampton’s sick population like to torture them selves 9 o clock on Saturday’s as well with a little driving 101. So I wasn’t blacklisted for the horse coughing and mucus sniffing and that’s where the pluses end, my friends..not that you can call being packed in a tiny room with 10 other fevering bodies breathing in germ infested circulated air a plus..but it’s the only semi-upside experienced at Ultimate Drivers.

I get it! You’re not PC

Hurray for me in getting the “Yeah, I’m cool, I’m just like you…only 30” teacher ‘cause that just made a lame experience even lamer. My instructor was Greg, who liked to say “Sorry, I’m not politically correct” every three sentences when he didn’t even say anything offensive. I mean, if he said “yeah, them niggers” I’d understand but he was like “my neighbor is a bit *takes five minutes to think of a word* “he’s a bit robust” then say, “sorry I should’ve warned you I’m not PC” *rolls eyes* oh, yeah, you’re the next Howard Stern. A mild annoyance but after 100th time I just wanted to scream “I get it you’re not PC, can we move on now!” Of course moving on meant moving on to the lesson, and that was death!

Lesson one: Road Rage

What did heather learn about Road Rage, let me get my notes *gets notes* okay, here we go…I learned, doodle of a cat…two anime “kill me now” drawings and an entire page of flowers. Okies, I fess up I didn’t take down notes, why would I? Everything was summed up in the movie: Road Rage equals bad! The End.

Lesson Two-Four: *shrug*

Beats me 'cause I was half a sleep in a feverish blur. But I was able to pass the test at the end using common sense. When in doubt cirle "all of the above" A guy that isn't cleaver enough to realize he is PC but conintues to say otherwise isn't cleaver enough to think up a trick "all of the above" question.

Driving School Videos

God where do I start with the videos. I suppose with the first one I was forced to endure

Video 1: Road Rage

Fat balding white collar dude, oh, excuse me, that’s not PC, I mean Mr. Fuck does it matter gets into his car. Two seconds into driving something royally pisses him off – this is called Road Rage, by-the-way – and he starts beating his horn and yelling…okies, I see, where their going with this video, Rage in your car is bad *clap clap* I’ve learn my lesson now press stop…oh! There’s more to learn! The Road Rage dude is seriously honking up this idling mini van when out of the blue the guy comes out of his van with a fucking tire iron! Yeah, he just happens to have a tire iron right there in his lap ‘cause you never seen him go to the trunk to get anything and smashes the shit outta Mr. Fuck does it matter’s car! Once and for all proving two road ragers don’t mix. I’m so enlightened.

Video Number Two: The Mullet-con says keep Canada beautiful

This one was about fuel emissions and saving the environment *under breath* damn you Greenpeace. This movie had a host and since he looked like an Ex-con and sporting a mullet we’ll call him Mullet-Con. Now you’d think a short film with a tattooed muscle man teaching me how to conserve gas would be funny as hell but seriously it was just lame and sad, ‘cause you knew Mullet-Con was just doing this to get a lighter sentence on a DUI. I blocked most of this movie out (the mullet was too distracting, sorry) so I really can’t explain what happened other than Mullet-Con seriously recommends what ever the hell he recommends in order to keep Canada beautiful.

Video Number three: Holy Smashing Car Phones Batman!

I think I can learn a lot of the 80s, certain things never change BUT a lot of shit does, like the law. In this video we learn what to do if we come across a car accident. The movie, being all 80s and ignorant, instructs us to help the injured people in the car – say what now? Doesn’t that leave me open to being sued? Oh, no no the film says, you wont get sued *cough* MY ASS! Then they say to call 911 at a near by house or on your Car phone. Car phone? You’re shitten me right, they thought that the car phone would last the test of time enough to mention it in a movie they obviously knew they’d be keeping for a while. And this ladies and Gentlemen is the Driving School heather picked out of the fast amount of school in Brampton. But I did learn one thing from the movie, moaning car crash victims are so funny, their over-acting moaning sounded more like grunting animal sex. Heehee.

Well, that wraps up the movies (I think there was one more but I forgot what it was about) and I didn’t learn diddly.

The Fucktard in my class

The six hours I spend at Ultimate Driver might not have been so horrible, even with the 80s crap driving school flicks and the PC instructor but then you have to factor in the rest of the class, the fucktards: Ages ranging from 15-20 with the maturity level of three. Actually the girls were fine, dumb as a brick but not all together unpleasant (meaning I could ignore them) but the boys *sighs* if only I had the Tire Iron.

Well, I have to cut this short, its 4:15 and I have to edit this and I have some work to finish up before I’m off to another wonderful adventure at Driving School.

Moku out

Posted by Moku-Sama at 4:33 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 9 January 2006 4:34 PM EST
Thursday, 5 January 2006
Gay Porn my ASS!
Mood:  irritated
Topic: My life (outside of work)
Oh my god, this day is going by so slow..or maybe ‘cause I’m knee deep in mucus, fucking cold. Anyways, on with today’s post!

The Yaoi movie that made heather go, WTF?

So, yesterday I decided my sick ass needed some entertainment before I passed out for the night so I thought, why not watch the Yaoi (boy//boy relationship) movie I downloaded a few days earlier. The movie’s title was Boku wa Kono Mama Kaeranai, meaning Our Road of No return, yeah it’s a retarded title, I can only assume the relevance is loss in translation ‘cause that title means dick even after watching the movie. Now I’m sure you’ll all disgusted with heather’s exploits into the unknown territory of gay loving but when it’s a toss between Friends re-runs and gay loving, sorry Jennifer Anderson but I’m opting for the fudge-packers.

Two seconds into the film I get a neon warning cautioning me that gay porn is a coming! Say what now?!! I should point out (before you all start avoiding me) that this was not porn, at least I wasn’t aware that I downloaded porn. It was suggested that it a “love story” Big neon warning sign two seconds into a film make you think you’re two seconds away from gang-banging action. So, Now, I was expecting “some” serious sexual activity, not some dry humping action with a nipple here and there, I was expecting penises flying in every direction pornography! Not that I was looking to get excited over a cartoon soft-core prono but I wanted something, you know, now that they got my mind in the gutter with that warning. But sadly that is not what moku Basically, I could have gotten more action from watching simulated sex scenes on prime time television hearing the humping noises and mentally picturing the two main characters doing the horizontal tango.

Now, I read the synopsis, there was supposed to be a plot, I repeat I was promised a fucking plot! Now I know I had a fever but trust me I was coherent enough to turn my computer on I’m coherent enough to detect a plot, which this movie DID NOT have. Fucking synopsis is a lying sack of herpes, it is. Of course it took watching all 45 minutes of it to realize it had no plot, so I’ll have to break it down for you, ‘cause you need to realize how much I regret wasting forth-five minutes of my life on this non-porn boredom of a movie.

Okies, so after the “Gay Porn's a Coming” warning it flips to a chick, yeah a chick! The first screen in this supposed gay porn is a chick, oh the irony. We see her run off towards the main character, Ritsurou, or gay boy number one, who is a complete closet homo. What! Gay boys got a girlfriend! WFT? After a torturingly long talk between the two you realize the girlfriend is lonely ‘cause she ain't getting the love from Closet Gay Boy 1 (surprise, surprise, wake up and smell the Barbara Streisand records, you fucktard!). Next screen lonely clueless girlfriend is trying to call her gay boyfriend from a payphone on the street (why she’s on the street using a payphone and not her own home phone is never explained…maybe the clueless bitch is homeless.) Anyways, out of no where Ken, Gay boy number two, enters the story leaning on a building looking all smexy. So, of course, lonely girlfriend and gay boy # 2 do the nasty BUT you only hear about it. Yeah, while Ken is getting it on with the girlfriend we get to see dramatic scenery NOT tits, asses, or any sexual activity! NOPE! Its cherry blossom and different angles of angsty Closet gay boy 1 walking arround town oblivious to the major fucking we’re not allow to see.

Closet homo finds out the gay boy two slept with his girlfriend. How? that’s never explained either, he’s just flippin’ physic *rolls eyes* So, closet homo tries to beat the shit out of his bud, yeah, apparently their best friends! Oh burn! But I stopped feeling sorry for closet gay after he had a another long boring convo with his girlfriend saying how he wasn’t pissed at her ‘cause gay boy # 2 always steals his girlfriends…ah wait a minute here, he steals all your girls and you’re still friends? You’re both obvious homosexuals who want to jump each other’s bones but your fighting over a girl *rubs head* this movie makes my head hurt!

Moving on, during the fight Gay boy 2 kisses Closet homo, which of course our sexually confused closet homo enjoys but runs off like a little bitch ‘cause “he’s not gay!” blah blah, right, you’re complete hetro…*pff*

Flash forward with a few more cherry tree screens and head shots of the retardedly lame love triangle and Closet homo is still with Clueless retard, apparently they worked things out, and they’re trying to have sex as Closet homo needs to prove to himself he’s a straight man. At this point half the movie is over and I haven’t seen one naughty body part, god damn it! So, I’m like OH YEAH baby! But alas, closet gay just can’t go through with it…having sex with a willing young girl is just too hard (god! Why did I continue to watch this movie!).

Well, you can’t perform sexually and you’re feeling down, where do you turn? To Gay boy number two! Closet gay knocks on the door, oh, no answer…wait, the door is open, why don’t I just walk in and proceed to the bed room. Closet gay looks around and what does he find? Just gay boy 2 in the buff all bondaged up! NOW that’s what I’m talking about! Now, Closet gay’s expression SHOULD be priceless right? WRONG! He just walks in calmly picks up the load of cash on the floor and says “I thought you were going to stop this?” WHAT! No mention was EVER made that Gay boy 2 was a man-whore..yeah, you saw a dozen scenes with him walking the streets look all smexy but I thought that’s just the “gay thing” to do. Damn it more missed opportunities to see the male member. Oh and if you thought I saw anything that would justify that “gay porn” warning in the beginning of the film NOPE! Just his ass. For some reason (I can’t remember I wasn’t paying much attention to the movie at this point) the two start fighting, verbally this time. Closet gay stalks off like a little bitch, AGAIN!

Scenery and imagery of time passing that would make a university film major jealous wastes ten more minutes of my life when "3 month later" caption would have worked better and saved the last of my patience with this crap movie.

Flash to boring dialogue between girlfriend and closet gay where we find out – girlfriend must have pulled this info out of her ASS ‘cause no where in the ten minute scenery shots did they show this – that Gay boy 2 is moving to Singapore. Closet gay is like “NO! I have to go make up with him!” and off he runs *smacks head on desk* He is such a little bitch!

Long story short, without any ANY nudity gay boy one and two do the nasty and are now in love. Oh my god! I just didn’t see that happening *rolls eyes* and off they go to tell clueless girlfriend ‘cause apparently she’d like to know right away! But before they can tell her she comes riding up on a bike and sees the two kissing. And what does she do kiddies? She goes riding off like a little bitch! I swear I was chanting “get hit by a bus! Please get hit by a bus!” I hated her so much, clueless fucktard.

So, following the structure of this movie, something dramatic happens must be followed by pointless scenery indicating passing of time.

First day of the new school year (what year? who know!), Clueless fucktard has cut her hair to show she's sad (aww..fucking loser)and tells Closet gay that she’s sorry she cheated but she’s happy he knows what it feels like to have his heart broken cause she’s all angsty blah blah, moving on..she runs off like a little fucking bitch for the last time HURRAY! Closet gay walks over to see his class schedule not fazed at all by ditz head’s proclamation and in enters Gay boy number three! Whispering to closet gay that he had fun or whatever with Gay boy 2. Then some imagery for another four minutes, a shot of each character and the movie is officially over! And heather is left thinking WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!

What was the purpose of Gay Boy # 3! He was in for 2.5 seconds, says something that opens a WHOLE can of worms then BOOM movie over! but more importantly where was the PORN! I didn't expect porn since this isn't supposed to be a porno movie but don't flash WARNING WARNING PORN! when the worst we see is a bare ass! We didn't even see the fucktard girlfriends jugs! I saw her half double A bra for a second, what is the PG-13! I'm done, I'm offically done with this movie..I will now forget it.. Laugh and then forget it. 'cause it just isnt worth anymore of my time.

Moku out.

Posted by Moku-Sama at 4:34 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 9 January 2006 12:56 PM EST
Wednesday, 4 January 2006
Moku has a :(
Now Playing: with ear wax...anyone got a Q-Tip?
Topic: Work Rants
Okies, I know I say I never get sick (which I don’t, thank you) but I seem at the moment to have a fever…yeah, at work.

On the drive over to Samsung Hell I noticed that zooming car were blurrier than normal but didn’t say a damn word because Jeanie would find some way to exploit my weakened condition. Of course after 20 minutes of silence she knew something was up – her hand reached for my head – Damn it! I was in the passenger seat no where to flee, so she planted her hand on my cheek.

Jeanie: “Oh! You’re hot”
Me: “ah, really? I feel fine.haha”
Jeanie: “You have a fever; you should go home at two!”

*raise eye brow* Two? Not now, or see if you feel better and then make the decision, nope! Two, this number just popped in her little head in 2 second flat…humm…a tad suspicious, ne? I think you mean: YOU wants to cut out early and am using MY failing mental capacity to justify YOUR leaving work early…Well, glad I could be your excuse, Jeanie, Always happy to help *rolls eyes* No, I told her I was fine and I’m here at work now making money while little dancing hallucinations prance around blurring my visage and stealing my concentration…damn hallucinations.

God, I can’t believe I can even type…nice to know I can still complete my job requirements while only being able to muster up the brain activity of a grape fruit. But I have the helpful tidbits from co-workers to get me through the day! Prize winning (stolen from every mother-be-Mary Poppins) telling me to “drink water”-- Great plan, I’ll just take my hallucinating ass over to water dispenser and hope I reach there before I pass out – and “go take some medicine” WOW! What a fucking concept…morons, besides medicate only makes you more fucked up. You have to get fucked up before you get better with pills and liquid nastiness; yeah, it doesn’t make sense but it’s flipping worth $8.99 if I had a bed and two days to sleep it off.

Oh, need more water, Yeah I’m taking their advise -- I never said I wasn’t an ungrateful hypocrite *shrug* Fuck I’m tired…oh god it’s only 10:24! If I wasn’t seriously fucking cloudy in the head I’d be able to figure out how long that is from when I get to escape this hell-hole…*actually trying* nope, all I get is “it’s a long time” *sip water* See, I’m coherent…I’m capable just not capable of operating heavy machinery. *re-read sentence* well, that made sense to me…so I doubt it made any sense to you. I have to go pee now (damn all that water).

Moku out.

Posted by Moku-Sama at 10:38 AM EST
Wednesday, 28 December 2005
After such a happy holiday everything seems so cherry and jolly: P
Now Playing: with ear sticky!!

Well I just received an E-mail information me of the great new way to “produce a stronger and harder erection” so I suppose it’s time for the post!

The customer is NOT always right

Today I really had to restrain myself from replying to each FAQ with “because you touch yourself” Which is really hard when you get morons asking REPEATIVELY “why doesn’t it work” No model number, no explaination, no nothing for moku to possible help you; so, it doesn't work because you touch yourself.

The over few of moku's day!

This is pretty much the breakdown of the unanswered questions I got today:

15% of the question could have been answered with “pick up the damn Manuel that came with your product you lazy sack of shit!”

70% could have been avoided all together if the customer had a brain! Or enough sense to read over their question and realize its fucking gibberish!

5% of the questions are just re-worded gibberish (awww..It’s so cute when they try to be coherent)

1% are customers asking me to explain how to illegally do something using our product. (No, moku is not going to tell you how to copy movies off your satellite in high definition!)

And lastly, 9% of the question I got today could be simply dismissed away with a “Fuck off and call Bell!”

moku out

Sorries for the short post but I'm SUPER busy here dealing with *points above* kill me now. :P

Posted by Moku-Sama at 4:41 PM EST
Tuesday, 20 December 2005
That religious guy 2: The nut bar strikes back
Mood:  blue
Topic: Work Rants
Moku is the spawn of satan :(

Here I was minding my own business in my wide open cubical space when up comes That Religious Guy. We were having a nice conversation about the weather when he’s Fundamentalist Christian sense was a twitching. Yeah, something evil is a foot! He then points to my desktop picture which is a picture of me I drew for Christmas. *sigh* If only I had some good Christian values I would have seen this coming. All I caught was his smile fade to a frown and I knew a lecture was coming.

That Religious Guy, all red in the face from suppressed Christian rage, says to me “that’s not right!” I was like, Wah?? What’s not right.... Then I noticed what he was pointing at…OH! Crap my bad! I did that bad thing everyone does to shorten Christmas…I...oh it’s so horrible I can’t say it! I wrote Merry X-Mas! *dies from the shock of causing so much pain to mankind with her ignorance*

I suppose I should feel bad for putting a big red and green X in front of Jesus’ name but I doubt the “FOGIVING” lord would lecture me for five minutes about it – I assume he’d be reasonable and realize that Christ has six letters and X is only one: now guess what fits better on a page. But according to the eyes of That religious Guy I’m going straight to hell… You living in a plastic bubble you fundamentalist freak? Everybody does it! Unless the rules of heaven are as COO-COO as you, I seariously doubt I’m going to hell for wanted to shorten Christmas…then again, didn’t you already condemned me to hell for celebrating Halloween?

Anyways, the great diplomat that I am (Despite my already going to hell status) I went out of my way to change the picture on MY OWN PERSONAL work computer to ensure his royal holiness doesn’t suffering from an aneurism. So with X-mas changed to Christmas I called him over. And guess what I got for all my effort to make nice-nice? Just guess! Moku got ANOTHER flipping lecture! Like What the fuck man!

Apparently, without “him”-- he actually pointed to the “Christ” part of Christmas on my new improved picture – there’s no Christmas. Ah, riiight, explain that to the countless atheist “heathens” buying presents right now, and while you’re at it tell the evil corporate “department stores” that if their consumers aren’t Christian, then hands off the Santa wrapping paper.

Well, I continued to blink and stare and recite “I don’t care” in my head while he yapped on about how you can’t go to heaven without “him” (still pointing to “Christ” in Christmas) -- umm...correct me if I’m wrong but “HE” has a name, isn’t that why you’re lecturing me? -- After a few dozen “uh un”s he finally THANK GOD! went on his merry little way and heathen moku went back to work.

Moku out.

Posted by Moku-Sama at 11:47 AM EST
Tuesday, 13 December 2005
Ah crap I waited until 4 to write this?
X-mas Party Con't

Now where did I leave the story off…oh, by the way Theresa thinks I make her sound “annoying” in my blog so to make her feel at ease expect some flowery appraisal “reassurance.” (Also known as Damage Control…love you baby *smile)

Oh, right, we were cooped up in a run down bus (yeah, it wasn’t even a top of the line yellow school bus) for about an hour before arriving downtown. As soon as the doors opened, the un-annoying Theresa-Chan had to fill her lungs with toxic chemicals. It’s sort of funny really, it’s like “ewww old rundown bus smell get me off this bus!” with “Need fresh air” urgency only to light up a cancer stick and suck back the nicotine. Meh, I chuck it up to the bad influence of 80s Television.

After the initial “where the hell are we supposed to go” we followed some people and found the party, garbed some seats and chilled. Not sure when but we met up with Jose and his hot girlfriend. Skip ahead a few minutes, and my boss comes over to mingle with the little people. Now, Petro Canada, (my boss, for all those loser who can’t keep up) must have come to the party drunk ‘cause he was WAY too touch-feely. I haven’t even shaken this boys hands and now he like *kiss kiss* WTF? I played along ‘cause I’ve learned from Mich’s teenage get-together don’t fucking shrew around with drunken people. After he kissed every female at our table he floated over to the bar to get more drunk...which is he did.

The forgotten table

Now for the record, Abby picked the table, so all rants about the table are her fault.

Speaking of drunks, the table Abby picked was right next to the table filled with 50 plus year olds who made Mich’s loser friends look well-behaved. Because we took the bus we were about an hour late to the party so these drunkards were about thirty minutes over their limit and continue to hit back the shooters. I reminded clam and avoid direct eye contact.

I suppose it was my own fault for announcing the fact that I don’t drink but Jose decides to bring the table shots of vodka…apparently he misunderstood me *shrug*. So for a girl not used to drinking I did down that sucker like it was…*decides not to finish that sentence.

Moving on…


Ah, dinner, what can I say it was free….but does that stop me from dissing the food, nope!

We first got orange soup which I did try then steered clear of. Sweet Potato something or other…I don’t tend to learn the names of dishes I’m never planning on eating again, sorry. Then it was the rain forest of salads…one look I knew I wasn’t eating that. The beautiful Theresa didn’t either – she was too busy attacking the dinner rolls.

I’m pretty unobservant when food is put in front of me (most things people say are blah blah, in one ear out the other) but I did notice that one of the waitress was a bitch and our table just happened to have a former food/restaurant critic…*weak yeah* So, I got to hear bitching from a professional. After the food critic said something to the bitchy waitress our table was blacklisted and we were last to get anything, we had to stop two waitresses just to get brochette and ended up with cold ass salmon and beef.

Damn it its 4:30 already…okies wrap up time!

Drank some more, talked, avoided Petro Canada, mingled a bit, didn’t win in the raffle but the asskisser did (GOD DAMN IT! I’m still pissed about that) and lastly, went home with my wonderful wife (inside joke, that’s Theresa) in the same broke ass yellow school bus.

Moku out.

Posted by Moku-Sama at 4:26 PM EST

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