HBC X-mas Party
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: with evil thoughts.
Topic: Work Rants

So it just so happens that the day of the Christmas party is the day mother nature gives Brampton a big fuck you in the form of blowing snow and freezin’ ass winds. It’s also the day my sick ass decides to get MORE nasal, my body aches like a truck hit it and I’m inching’ like crazy ‘cause I decided to try on a 100% poly. Dress even though I know full well I’m allergic. Hurray! I’m totally in the festive spirit now!! *rolls eyes*

 

The only thing keeping me going was the thought of food (wondrous gourmet food) Which you’re all thinking “what’s the big deal” First, did I mention FREE food…second, When you’ve been living off of dry cereal and canned food from sample sale for three months get the fuck back to me on that one.

 

Anyways, as I said, it’s snowing like a mother fucker and cold as bloody death and what does heather decide to wear..A short dress with stockin’ (I was totally dropped on my head when I was a youngsters, I just know it). Teeth chattering I made it over to Anne and Stasia’s. Where I watch pretty much the entire Encino Man movie while the two Miss.Prisses got their butts ready.  I’m not sure what the heck they were doing but apparently it take an hour and a half to put on a dress over your head, dap on makeup and pick out shoes. You want to know how long it took me to get ready boys and girls…5 damn minutes. 4 of which were me bushin’ Mother Nature’s fuck you off my car. Not that the two didn’t look amazing (suppose it wouldn’t kill me to try a little harder)…but DAAAMMMNNNN I didn’t realize it took so long to be beautiful. Sign my ass up for ugly-camp ‘cause I just don’t got that kind of time or patience. Humm, I’m being quite rude and mean, eh. Well, life’s a bitch, yuck it up ‘cause it’s true. I can’t count the times Tan (Stasia’s date) and I gave each other a “what the hell are they doing up there” look.

 

Anyways, after passing two “I’m a fuckin idiot who can’t drive in snow” accident we arrived at the Congress Centre. We were actually a bit late (not mentioning any names as to why) so I was like “HURRAY! We don’t have to wait too long to eat” WRONG! Those bastards didn’t feed us for hours! It was like “take your time and mingle” FUCK that! Heather came here to EAT god damn it!! I can “mingle” at the office where I have to pretend to like you (oopse, did I just say that). Um..yeah, well, Lack of food made me a little less tolerable of bad service.

 

FINALLY they let us sit down (after I ate off of every appetizer tray…what the hell I was eating who the fucks know due to poor ass lighting.). Now seated I thought “FOOD FOOD FOOD” but due to a poor choice in tables after half hour my thoughts turned to “If I don’t get food right now I’m declaring war on the next table that does!” I actually started to picture myself in full Xenia warrior princess garb. Yelling “give me your food or I’ll stab you with this butter knife!” Gladly, I didn’t…I wouldn’t want to contribute to bad employee relations (*gasp* no, not I). oh! Did I mention they did bring two dinners to our table..it was hilarious seeing my two dinner guest staring at their food (waiting with annoyed looks for everyone else to get their food). In the light of a hungry stomach, politeness be damned, *pft* I totally would have eaten…I’d be chompin’ away at my chow like “What, I’m hungry BITCHES”

 

The whole affair with the food, and waiting made me think the Congress Centre’s slogan should be “Yes! You will get your dinner...EVENUALLY” Through, without pounding the table with my cutlery (which I didn’t think would get me anywhere) I DID get my dinner..Evenually *rolls eyes* but not before I had deep imbedded resentment towards the service staff. In retrospect, maybe banging the table with my fork and knife would have gotten my somewhere. You don’t want to serve me FINE! I’ll make a scene…oh! Here’s my dinner! Great. Thanks”

 

Oh Oh, did I mention that not only were we unable to GET service we weren’t able to serve ourselves. When we tried to pour our own wine they came like bees (two of ‘em) taking the bottle from us. Oookkkaayy, well we now know how to get your damn attention too bad it’s half an hour too late.

 

You want to know what icing on the cake was the highlight of the evening, my friends…watching the buyer who give me stress, headaches and hair loss get a fuckin’ 300 dollar massager. WOOT, my night is now flippin’ complete; let’s wrap it up and go home! Which I did…back into Mother Nature Rag time fun.

 

And that kiddies, is my take on the 2007 HBC Christmas party…*takes a bow*

 

P.S. yeap, I copped out at the end…but the screw you I have work to do.

 

P.S.S. if there are spelling errors and you point them out to me I reserve the right to smack you…haha and you all thought I was SOO nice.

 

anonymous taste-testing at work!
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work Rants

Mich's moving to Windsor?
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*phew* hold on, I need a minute here to collect myself and apparently it takes me two minutes to do that, then another 5 to remember how to spell apparently - thank God for spell check or you'd all have to figure out what appartently means. Wow, I lost my train of thought...I'm sure I didn't have a point anyways SOOO moving on! What's new in Z-Town. ZIP all, my friends. This place just ain't blog worthy without AssKisser Sr. (who I hated with a PASSION! Annoying little monkey boy he was) I think I said last post I'd use daily life stuff...but I'm pretty tolerant of things I only have to deal for short amounts of time, so that's out. Humm...

Did I rant about Mich's moving to Windsor? No I didn't, did I. Well! Let me tell you, that girl just up and moves on me. One day she's vacating in Windsor the next I get an E-mail at work saying "oh, BTW I'm moving 4 hours away" Like WTF? Of course I got over that quick with a "SAY WHAT!" *Flash forward* everything was confirmed when (in true mich fashion)
she came home, gave herself a day to pack all her hit and clean the basement. HAHA I laughed at that too until I saw what Miss.Up and Leave Me considers "clean". Took me four f**kin' hours to gut that basement out after she left! OH! The mess! The trash! The humanity!

So Mich, AKA Miaka-chan, Mitch-da-bitch, has high-tailed it outta Curry Town and nested in a town that surprisingly looks a shitload like Oakville. Between Mario and Rob, My Fag Hag sister's bestest buds, I believe she'll be able to sustain her current level of comfort (minus the diseased infected rat hole we once called our basement--FOUR HOURS I swear! and she had the nerve to say it was clean PTFF!). Of course, if she ever gets homesick for clutter and dirt she can always cross the borders into that lovely ghetto known as Detroit.

OH GOD! don't get me started on Detroit! Every seen those T-shirt that read "Dear God, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat" NO NEED! stop that praying now sister, just move your chucky butt to Detroit. If you don't see them right away, don't fret, their properly in the house exercising the remote. But If you wanna see them in action, well honey, get your self to an All-you-can-eat Buffet. Now, i'm telling you all the truth, Moku no lie, I was surprised these people could leave their house without the fire department comin' in and breaking down a few walls, I shit you not! I didn't know people that big could move, let alone walk to a buffet table! -- repeatively, I might add, so many
times I lost count..two plates at a time! These people were Buffet Masters! I wanted to called them all my Buffet Gurus and proclaim their eatery
superiority. I almost did when Lori told me about the guy, who just couldn't wait for a flat surface, rippin' into that fried chicken three steps from their table. That's the SHIT rigth there. Teach me your ways, Oh Sensei Fat Man!

Before I get too into my fat bashing, (I mean before I forget) I should mention the lady standing right in front of the Pineapple bowl. This chick was just staring at the bowl full of yummy yellow goodness. Being the Canadian I am I waited...for TWO minutes! and when your hungry that is a LONG ass time. She didn't move towards the food, nope, she just
stood there. So, I had enough of that shit and by passed her. I noticing there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple; so, I reached for the honeydew tongs about two centermetres away (in plain sight!) and put the
pineapple on my plate. And I just could not believe this chick's reaction! She had the face that just screamed "OHHHHHHH!!! Good Idea!" Then turns to me and says "there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple" If the situations wasn't so damn stupid I might have given myself a mental pat-on-the-back but HELLO! You need tongs for pineapple but there are none; What do you do? Your solution: Stare at the bowl until it grows legs and walks over to you! Jesus! I didn't believe the IQ went down as the Temperature went up but DAMMNNNN!! Americans are stupid! Okies, I'm
generalizing, which I do quite often on this blog...I hope you're not waiting for a "but" there isn't one. I admit I'm a biget, MOVING ON! Shit that's it...my ranty mood is over. and I have to get ready for 3
meetings (in a F**kin row!). LATER MY FANS! *kiss kiss*

Moku out.

Confessions of an Ebayer
Now Playing: with mud...nope not mud..ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*stands up and clears throat* I, heather, have a problem. *sits down*
okaayyyy, still have the urge to click "bid" that did jack shit!

Confessions of an Ebayer

What is the lure of the brightly coloured E B A and Y, you ask? Well,
Mainly -- and quite obviously -- the fact that I can sit in my underwear at 2 am in the morning eating cheesies and buy stuff! Now, I’m not completely diluted, I know there is a down side to Ebay but really, people, cheesies and underwear says it all. The benefits -- in this case -- FAR out weigh the cons, ne.

Now I don’t wanna hear any shit either, non-ebayers, get with the program: malls are so 90s! The next time you cruise the plaza in your tightie whities munchin' on deep fried cheese loggie goodness get the fuck back to me with your "the mall is the bomb" nag. You know what the mall has? It has weird smells, people asking me to "try this" and not waiting for a "no thanks" before spraying me with something toxic! and don't get me started on my biggest peeve of the mall: Teenagers. Ah fuck it, I haven't really ranted in a while so here I go. Between the Emo kids, the fucking "center of the universe" retards who can't use their "indoor voices" and those "got daddies plastic" tweets, I'm about an under-aged 13 yr old smoker away from taking an AK47 with me on my next visit to Shoppers’.

In all fairness to me, Moku need some love and understand, ya know – I have “issues” remember -- I wouldn’t even buy that much if it wasn’t for this combined shipping scam they’ve got going. After buying one item the seller informs you that if you buy more from him you get a discount on shipping. Sometimes as low as 50 cents. Come on! You can’t pooh-pooh that away! 50 fuckin’ cents! That’s the shit right there! Of course, being ME, I’ll bid on completely useless crap just for the sake of the cheaper shipping – I have a problem (we’ve been over this) I know. I EVEN ask myself as a stare at the “bid now” button, “do I really want that half eaten sandwich Tom Cruise didn’t eat.. ..50 cent shipping FUCK YEAH!!” I’m serious..well not about the half eaten sandwich but subtract cruise and sandwich, and that my friends, is the mental routine of about every purchase I’ve made in that last three months. Damn you ebay!!

So in a nut shell, yea, moku is anti-social, borderline mentally retarded and basically fucked up...therefore, in my opinion
(which is the only opinion on this blog that counts) Ebay is better. *takes a bow* Thank you. This has been a public announcement brought to you by EA (Ebayer’s Anonymous)

Moku (passed) out.

My E-mail to Abby from my work computer.
Topic: Work Rants
I ran tonight so I'll have A LOT to rant about tomorrow but while you wait here is a funny (more stupid) E-mail I sent Abby the Life line today.

Hey Abby

Man, what a flippin' day! I'm so outta it man, I'm not sick or anything it's just that I can't think right -- everything is like blahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I can get my work done but at about 1/2 the time and
I keep makin' stupid mistakes. Whatever, jobs gets done I go home *shrug* all is right with the world..or whatever. Damn it I"m not making
sense here...I don't even think I had a point to E-mailing you. I just thought "hey, why not e-mail abby!" then I was like "where am I! what day is it!" then I realized I was at work and it was 3:00 and I needed to E-mail you. SO here I am, E-mailin' you and thinkin' I really shouldn't have since I"m not making much sense here...or any, actually.

I'm too scared to re-read this ('cause I'll just think I'm retarded and delete the whole thing and get too lazy to re-write it)

I'm so sleepy, and I have to run tonight...man, why do I do this to myself. Sign up for things I eventually hate or feel too lazy to do.

Anyyywayyy, If I was at home, on my personal E-mail, I'd tell you about this dude I have to put up with here. I call him Ass Kisser Sr. (not 'cause he is a
bigger asskisser than *looks right Looks left* you know *wink wink* but becuase he's about twice his age.) And with all his years on Asskisser
Jr. he isn't any better at it - actually he really sucks at it. 'cause everyone here thinks he is a retard and we all know how well Samsungs
Asskisser is at doing dick and getting the high five from the big heads. *sigh* the world is unfair, blah blah, and all that jazz I suppose. I'm not re-opening that can a worms -- I escaped the ninth gate of BS hell no reason for me to get emotional. damn it am I not making sense again..I saw this lint ball in the air and my mind wondered...oh pretty ball of fluffy filth, how pretty you are in all your evil dustiness.
I'm so poetic, eh. ha-ha.

I'm done I'm going to go now...I"m too f'ed to write.


Regards,


Heather Carriere
Distributor -- Ladies Wear
Dept. 103/166/466
Brampton Head Office
(905) 792-XXXX

New Job Part 2: Asskisser Version 3.1
Now Playing: with my brain matter.
Topic: Work Rants
Okies, I gypped you guys on a blog entry - I'll admit part one was pretty short - but surprising enough, (despite the 70s upholstered cubical) this place just isn't as rant-worthy as the ninth gate of BS hell...too bad, so sad. But rants are not the only think moku is good for. As well as the superb abilities to speak in third person, she is also known for her keen observation - I.E. making fun of everyone. Now on to the post!

I did mention the AssKisser Sr. in the last blog, right? Well, if I didn't I'll start now: AssKisser Sr. is a guy who was hired after I was -- Think back to High school and that nerd who counldn't say Chick without giggling. Anyways, beside the retarded giggling - which is REALLY getting on my nerves -- He's also an expert in babbling and wasting my time with his little tidbit that make no sense...it's even beyond smile and nod,people. It's like this; the dude just enters my cubical, sighs and says "can you believe this!" then walks away. Now I don't remember telling or giving the impression I was physic, so I'm going with this fucker got some issues *heather draws out the word iiissseeeueees* or just likes to confuse poor old heather. Now, I can deal with out burst of laughter after awkward odd comments regarding "hot chicks" but make some sense man! I'm running outta ways to humors your retarderness. And there is NO way I'm getting down to your level to understand it either. Fuck that I have enough of Samsung's BS floating around my head to jam any more worthless none-sense.

*blink blink* wow, I'm really mean, aren't I. I'm a bitch, well a closet bitch -- since I'm nice as pie to everyone's face --...OH MY GOD I'm two faced! Why didn't you people tell me! I'm a two faced bitch *cries* I'm that nice person who hold everyone is distain and one day will snap and climb a tower with an AK 47...hmp...not a bad end for me actually... great story to tell the other f'er in heaven. Hell of a lot better then "died in my sleep" or "eat some bad chinese" right...I'm being weird again, aren't I...*snap fingers* man, I need to sleep
more...stupid book.

MY new life (part one)
Now Playing: ring arround the fuckin' rosey..damn it! now stop asking me.
Topic: Work Rants
I've neglected this blog for a while and I know you're all just dieing to hear how my life has improved since my liberation from Samsung, the
nation of boredom. Don't expect this to be long -- if it is then I really deserve a pat on the back, seeing as this is my lunch hour I'm wasting it writing this -- and if it isn't cry me a fuckin' river. Sue me, I wanna eat. Anyway, before I get to negitive from lack of proper nutient (do you have any idea how many times I've attempt to spell that correctly..yeah I gave up..deal)

I'll move on...I think I had a topic selected... *re-reads* oh, right my new life here at HBC.

Some things havn't changed -- even thou I swore I'd dress better and display a model employee attidute (apparently I just can't kiss ass *shrug*). As well, I still stare at a computer all day but this time it's a crappy CRT from the days of Kmart. Yeah, this building used to be the head office of Kmart..remember them? and not much has been done to
update...but on the bright side I'm really starting to like the colours orange and brown. I have a cubical (it's smaller thou, and made outta
wool..it's smells funny too). Oh, but a big plus is if I ever get bored I can wack the side of the wall and watch twenty years of dust clouds fill the air.

I have a neighbour. Her cubical is a "prefume free zone" she has a printed out warning sign and everything...I'm seriously worried about her.

God, what else...I have to back-track three weeks..I've been too busy to even form a thought that might erupt into a rant. Well, At least I posted...I will post more later.

another stupid customer...
Topic: Work Rants

Mark it BITCH!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: two my thumbs...fucking 'tard HR btich...grrrr.
Topic: Work Rants

Well let’s see how long my balder holds up *under breath* fuckin’ tea.

Okies, so everyone knows I’m leaving the 9th gate (well technically the 10th gate..damn temporary displacement!) of corporate Bull shit Hell in three days, right..good we’re all on the same page. Now on to the rant:

*breathe* Okay, I have been very tolerant with Human Resource, dare I say extremely overly patient. So, I’m justified in bein’ pissed, nes pas? *finds an open window and pops her head out* I WANT MY fuckin’ SAMSUNG TEST BACK! *pops back in* I don’t feel better…grrrr.

Do you remember that test I had to do on Samsung history..humm..I dunno about EIGHT months ago, yeah, that one. It’s STILL not marked and I’m leaving in three days. I’m sure you’ll all thinking “but heather why do you care so much?” well, kiddies, there is this thing call MONEY. I like it and if I get an 80% on the test I get a hundred bucks worth of it. So, I’m a little annoyed when HR bitches don’t reply to me E-mail inquires.

I hate calling other women bitches but when I continue to harass you about something you’re supposed to have done 8 months ago and you completely ignore me..well, if you’re not a bitch then what the fuck are you…lazy, ckeck! Inconsiderate, double check! Horribly unorganized. Triple check. (Voice of Reason: Over-worked, maybe?) HEY HEY! This is a rant, no “reasoning” here…compassionate and understanding are emotions for Outside Heather with her sunny disposition, not blog Moku of hate!

Moving on, god, I get side tracked so easily…no wait…damn tea…be right back.

*sigh* pissing actually calmed me down.

Okies, here is the low down:

WAYY back when, about eight month ago, there was this temp girl working in HR. She was the one who collected the test. But a few weeks in to my purgatory sentence here at Samsung she up and disappeared over the weekend. Now, I also hate speaking ill of the “presumed” missing or dead but this chick was a bitch. No substitute; she was a plain old B*I*C*T*H! She’d give me these looks all the time when I was just sitting’ minding my own beeswax. I NEVER even tried to talk to her, I know when I get those looks…one of those “god, I have to put up with you” looks accompanied with that “I don’t like you” vibe. Heather steers clear of that messed up shit. Anyways, one Monday I came to work and everyone was like “WFT? Where is so-and-so” Like I gave a shit I joined in but never got an answer, that bitch just up and vanished…now presumed in my over-active imagination as dismembered in a box 50 feet under the ground. (INNER HEATHER: God! You’re morbid.)



I waiting quite a while after the Temp Girl went “missing” before I E-mail the HR bitch (Moku’s PR agent: She mean bitch as a substitute for woman and not as a derogatory term for someone who can’t mark a simple fucking test!) when I was fed up with playing the waiting game.

Apparently, my test was just sitting there in the temp girl’s old test all this time (I told you that cleaning lady is good for nothing!) The HR bitch gives me this story that she had no idea the test weren’t marked and she’ll get to them when she gets to them. Oh, okay, so I just sit on that “thanks for nothing” promise like a good girl. *goes back to playing with her thumbs*

Flash forward to a month ago, when I again was thinking “maybe she just forgot” (INNER HEATHER: ahh, so young and naive) Well, I now know it’s more like “I just don’t’ give a shit” (INNER HEATHER: oh, they grow up so fast *wipe tear*) I was really polite in my E-mail too! Seriously, it was all bull crap and “thank you for your time” shit – none of which I meant but isn’t there a saying about catching bees with honey…whatever, doesn’t matter since that bitch didn’t appreciate my butt-kissing “did you mark my fuckin’ test yet!” BS ‘cause I STILL don’t have that test in my possession.

I should have mentioned early that the money isn’t real money it’s Samsung money therefore I can only use it for Samsung product. Not at a store -- no that would make sense *rolls eyes – no, to use through our distrusting center. So, I need my test marked AND I need time to make an order though this center and have it shipped here. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I’m about ten seconds from saying FUCK IT! Damn this cheap nature of mine! I wish I had laser beams for eyes GOD I want that so bad…she walks by my desk all the time! I could give her a good ZAP!

God damn it! Where was I…right! She replied back that she was busy, blah blah and will get to when she gets to. PAAAALLLEEAASSEE! What does it take 20 years to mark a test! Just give me a passing grade and this shit would be over with! Ironically I over-heard her talking to another co-worker saying that busy or not, you have a job to do and people shouldn’t complain. OH! Really…good work, pass that enlighten advice on ‘cause you’re doing DICK all with it.

Flash forward one more time to Monday of this week, my last week. I had given my two weeks notice (CCed it to her bitch ass too, I might add) but I thought I’d REMIND her that I’m leaving in five days so could she please put a little priority on my test. And what happened next kiddies…ZIPPO! It’s Wednesday and that ‘tard hasn’t even given me the slightest bit of concern. She passes by me and I smile and she FAKE smiles back (god! If only I had laser eyes!) I have thought about pullin’ her over but really I could care less at this point…I don’t wanna hear another “I’ll get to it when I get it” crap. ‘cause then I’ll have two choices: play nice-nice and say something stupid like “great, I’ll just wait here like a good girl sitting on my fuckin’ hands like a douche!” or get laser eyes implanted and be honest -- “what FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!” *zap! Blood curdling scream* muhahaha (INNER HEATHER: God, you are morbid).

Moku out.

Now, Someone's not going to pass their citizenship :P