anonymous taste-testing at work!
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Work Rants

Mich's moving to Windsor?
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*phew* hold on, I need a minute here to collect myself and apparently it takes me two minutes to do that, then another 5 to remember how to spell apparently - thank God for spell check or you'd all have to figure out what appartently means. Wow, I lost my train of thought...I'm sure I didn't have a point anyways SOOO moving on! What's new in Z-Town. ZIP all, my friends. This place just ain't blog worthy without AssKisser Sr. (who I hated with a PASSION! Annoying little monkey boy he was) I think I said last post I'd use daily life stuff...but I'm pretty tolerant of things I only have to deal for short amounts of time, so that's out. Humm...

Did I rant about Mich's moving to Windsor? No I didn't, did I. Well! Let me tell you, that girl just up and moves on me. One day she's vacating in Windsor the next I get an E-mail at work saying "oh, BTW I'm moving 4 hours away" Like WTF? Of course I got over that quick with a "SAY WHAT!" *Flash forward* everything was confirmed when (in true mich fashion)
she came home, gave herself a day to pack all her hit and clean the basement. HAHA I laughed at that too until I saw what Miss.Up and Leave Me considers "clean". Took me four f**kin' hours to gut that basement out after she left! OH! The mess! The trash! The humanity!

So Mich, AKA Miaka-chan, Mitch-da-bitch, has high-tailed it outta Curry Town and nested in a town that surprisingly looks a shitload like Oakville. Between Mario and Rob, My Fag Hag sister's bestest buds, I believe she'll be able to sustain her current level of comfort (minus the diseased infected rat hole we once called our basement--FOUR HOURS I swear! and she had the nerve to say it was clean PTFF!). Of course, if she ever gets homesick for clutter and dirt she can always cross the borders into that lovely ghetto known as Detroit.

OH GOD! don't get me started on Detroit! Every seen those T-shirt that read "Dear God, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat" NO NEED! stop that praying now sister, just move your chucky butt to Detroit. If you don't see them right away, don't fret, their properly in the house exercising the remote. But If you wanna see them in action, well honey, get your self to an All-you-can-eat Buffet. Now, i'm telling you all the truth, Moku no lie, I was surprised these people could leave their house without the fire department comin' in and breaking down a few walls, I shit you not! I didn't know people that big could move, let alone walk to a buffet table! -- repeatively, I might add, so many
times I lost count..two plates at a time! These people were Buffet Masters! I wanted to called them all my Buffet Gurus and proclaim their eatery
superiority. I almost did when Lori told me about the guy, who just couldn't wait for a flat surface, rippin' into that fried chicken three steps from their table. That's the SHIT rigth there. Teach me your ways, Oh Sensei Fat Man!

Before I get too into my fat bashing, (I mean before I forget) I should mention the lady standing right in front of the Pineapple bowl. This chick was just staring at the bowl full of yummy yellow goodness. Being the Canadian I am I waited...for TWO minutes! and when your hungry that is a LONG ass time. She didn't move towards the food, nope, she just
stood there. So, I had enough of that shit and by passed her. I noticing there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple; so, I reached for the honeydew tongs about two centermetres away (in plain sight!) and put the
pineapple on my plate. And I just could not believe this chick's reaction! She had the face that just screamed "OHHHHHHH!!! Good Idea!" Then turns to me and says "there wasn't any tongs for the pineapple" If the situations wasn't so damn stupid I might have given myself a mental pat-on-the-back but HELLO! You need tongs for pineapple but there are none; What do you do? Your solution: Stare at the bowl until it grows legs and walks over to you! Jesus! I didn't believe the IQ went down as the Temperature went up but DAMMNNNN!! Americans are stupid! Okies, I'm
generalizing, which I do quite often on this blog...I hope you're not waiting for a "but" there isn't one. I admit I'm a biget, MOVING ON! Shit that's it...my ranty mood is over. and I have to get ready for 3
meetings (in a F**kin row!). LATER MY FANS! *kiss kiss*

Moku out.

Confessions of an Ebayer
Now Playing: with mud...nope not mud..ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!
Topic: My life (outside of work)
*stands up and clears throat* I, heather, have a problem. *sits down*
okaayyyy, still have the urge to click "bid" that did jack shit!

Confessions of an Ebayer

What is the lure of the brightly coloured E B A and Y, you ask? Well,
Mainly -- and quite obviously -- the fact that I can sit in my underwear at 2 am in the morning eating cheesies and buy stuff! Now, I’m not completely diluted, I know there is a down side to Ebay but really, people, cheesies and underwear says it all. The benefits -- in this case -- FAR out weigh the cons, ne.

Now I don’t wanna hear any shit either, non-ebayers, get with the program: malls are so 90s! The next time you cruise the plaza in your tightie whities munchin' on deep fried cheese loggie goodness get the fuck back to me with your "the mall is the bomb" nag. You know what the mall has? It has weird smells, people asking me to "try this" and not waiting for a "no thanks" before spraying me with something toxic! and don't get me started on my biggest peeve of the mall: Teenagers. Ah fuck it, I haven't really ranted in a while so here I go. Between the Emo kids, the fucking "center of the universe" retards who can't use their "indoor voices" and those "got daddies plastic" tweets, I'm about an under-aged 13 yr old smoker away from taking an AK47 with me on my next visit to Shoppers’.

In all fairness to me, Moku need some love and understand, ya know – I have “issues” remember -- I wouldn’t even buy that much if it wasn’t for this combined shipping scam they’ve got going. After buying one item the seller informs you that if you buy more from him you get a discount on shipping. Sometimes as low as 50 cents. Come on! You can’t pooh-pooh that away! 50 fuckin’ cents! That’s the shit right there! Of course, being ME, I’ll bid on completely useless crap just for the sake of the cheaper shipping – I have a problem (we’ve been over this) I know. I EVEN ask myself as a stare at the “bid now” button, “do I really want that half eaten sandwich Tom Cruise didn’t eat.. ..50 cent shipping FUCK YEAH!!” I’m serious..well not about the half eaten sandwich but subtract cruise and sandwich, and that my friends, is the mental routine of about every purchase I’ve made in that last three months. Damn you ebay!!

So in a nut shell, yea, moku is anti-social, borderline mentally retarded and basically fucked up...therefore, in my opinion
(which is the only opinion on this blog that counts) Ebay is better. *takes a bow* Thank you. This has been a public announcement brought to you by EA (Ebayer’s Anonymous)

Moku (passed) out.

My E-mail to Abby from my work computer.
Topic: Work Rants
I ran tonight so I'll have A LOT to rant about tomorrow but while you wait here is a funny (more stupid) E-mail I sent Abby the Life line today.

Hey Abby

Man, what a flippin' day! I'm so outta it man, I'm not sick or anything it's just that I can't think right -- everything is like blahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I can get my work done but at about 1/2 the time and
I keep makin' stupid mistakes. Whatever, jobs gets done I go home *shrug* all is right with the world..or whatever. Damn it I"m not making
sense here...I don't even think I had a point to E-mailing you. I just thought "hey, why not e-mail abby!" then I was like "where am I! what day is it!" then I realized I was at work and it was 3:00 and I needed to E-mail you. SO here I am, E-mailin' you and thinkin' I really shouldn't have since I"m not making much sense here...or any, actually.

I'm too scared to re-read this ('cause I'll just think I'm retarded and delete the whole thing and get too lazy to re-write it)

I'm so sleepy, and I have to run tonight...man, why do I do this to myself. Sign up for things I eventually hate or feel too lazy to do.

Anyyywayyy, If I was at home, on my personal E-mail, I'd tell you about this dude I have to put up with here. I call him Ass Kisser Sr. (not 'cause he is a
bigger asskisser than *looks right Looks left* you know *wink wink* but becuase he's about twice his age.) And with all his years on Asskisser
Jr. he isn't any better at it - actually he really sucks at it. 'cause everyone here thinks he is a retard and we all know how well Samsungs
Asskisser is at doing dick and getting the high five from the big heads. *sigh* the world is unfair, blah blah, and all that jazz I suppose. I'm not re-opening that can a worms -- I escaped the ninth gate of BS hell no reason for me to get emotional. damn it am I not making sense again..I saw this lint ball in the air and my mind wondered...oh pretty ball of fluffy filth, how pretty you are in all your evil dustiness.
I'm so poetic, eh. ha-ha.

I'm done I'm going to go now...I"m too f'ed to write.


Regards,


Heather Carriere
Distributor -- Ladies Wear
Dept. 103/166/466
Brampton Head Office
(905) 792-XXXX

New Job Part 2: Asskisser Version 3.1
Now Playing: with my brain matter.
Topic: Work Rants
Okies, I gypped you guys on a blog entry - I'll admit part one was pretty short - but surprising enough, (despite the 70s upholstered cubical) this place just isn't as rant-worthy as the ninth gate of BS hell...too bad, so sad. But rants are not the only think moku is good for. As well as the superb abilities to speak in third person, she is also known for her keen observation - I.E. making fun of everyone. Now on to the post!

I did mention the AssKisser Sr. in the last blog, right? Well, if I didn't I'll start now: AssKisser Sr. is a guy who was hired after I was -- Think back to High school and that nerd who counldn't say Chick without giggling. Anyways, beside the retarded giggling - which is REALLY getting on my nerves -- He's also an expert in babbling and wasting my time with his little tidbit that make no sense...it's even beyond smile and nod,people. It's like this; the dude just enters my cubical, sighs and says "can you believe this!" then walks away. Now I don't remember telling or giving the impression I was physic, so I'm going with this fucker got some issues *heather draws out the word iiissseeeueees* or just likes to confuse poor old heather. Now, I can deal with out burst of laughter after awkward odd comments regarding "hot chicks" but make some sense man! I'm running outta ways to humors your retarderness. And there is NO way I'm getting down to your level to understand it either. Fuck that I have enough of Samsung's BS floating around my head to jam any more worthless none-sense.

*blink blink* wow, I'm really mean, aren't I. I'm a bitch, well a closet bitch -- since I'm nice as pie to everyone's face --...OH MY GOD I'm two faced! Why didn't you people tell me! I'm a two faced bitch *cries* I'm that nice person who hold everyone is distain and one day will snap and climb a tower with an AK 47...hmp...not a bad end for me actually... great story to tell the other f'er in heaven. Hell of a lot better then "died in my sleep" or "eat some bad chinese" right...I'm being weird again, aren't I...*snap fingers* man, I need to sleep
more...stupid book.

MY new life (part one)
Now Playing: ring arround the fuckin' rosey..damn it! now stop asking me.
Topic: Work Rants
I've neglected this blog for a while and I know you're all just dieing to hear how my life has improved since my liberation from Samsung, the
nation of boredom. Don't expect this to be long -- if it is then I really deserve a pat on the back, seeing as this is my lunch hour I'm wasting it writing this -- and if it isn't cry me a fuckin' river. Sue me, I wanna eat. Anyway, before I get to negitive from lack of proper nutient (do you have any idea how many times I've attempt to spell that correctly..yeah I gave up..deal)

I'll move on...I think I had a topic selected... *re-reads* oh, right my new life here at HBC.

Some things havn't changed -- even thou I swore I'd dress better and display a model employee attidute (apparently I just can't kiss ass *shrug*). As well, I still stare at a computer all day but this time it's a crappy CRT from the days of Kmart. Yeah, this building used to be the head office of Kmart..remember them? and not much has been done to
update...but on the bright side I'm really starting to like the colours orange and brown. I have a cubical (it's smaller thou, and made outta
wool..it's smells funny too). Oh, but a big plus is if I ever get bored I can wack the side of the wall and watch twenty years of dust clouds fill the air.

I have a neighbour. Her cubical is a "prefume free zone" she has a printed out warning sign and everything...I'm seriously worried about her.

God, what else...I have to back-track three weeks..I've been too busy to even form a thought that might erupt into a rant. Well, At least I posted...I will post more later.

another stupid customer...
Topic: Work Rants

Mark it BITCH!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: two my thumbs...fucking 'tard HR btich...grrrr.
Topic: Work Rants

Well let’s see how long my balder holds up *under breath* fuckin’ tea.

Okies, so everyone knows I’m leaving the 9th gate (well technically the 10th gate..damn temporary displacement!) of corporate Bull shit Hell in three days, right..good we’re all on the same page. Now on to the rant:

*breathe* Okay, I have been very tolerant with Human Resource, dare I say extremely overly patient. So, I’m justified in bein’ pissed, nes pas? *finds an open window and pops her head out* I WANT MY fuckin’ SAMSUNG TEST BACK! *pops back in* I don’t feel better…grrrr.

Do you remember that test I had to do on Samsung history..humm..I dunno about EIGHT months ago, yeah, that one. It’s STILL not marked and I’m leaving in three days. I’m sure you’ll all thinking “but heather why do you care so much?” well, kiddies, there is this thing call MONEY. I like it and if I get an 80% on the test I get a hundred bucks worth of it. So, I’m a little annoyed when HR bitches don’t reply to me E-mail inquires.

I hate calling other women bitches but when I continue to harass you about something you’re supposed to have done 8 months ago and you completely ignore me..well, if you’re not a bitch then what the fuck are you…lazy, ckeck! Inconsiderate, double check! Horribly unorganized. Triple check. (Voice of Reason: Over-worked, maybe?) HEY HEY! This is a rant, no “reasoning” here…compassionate and understanding are emotions for Outside Heather with her sunny disposition, not blog Moku of hate!

Moving on, god, I get side tracked so easily…no wait…damn tea…be right back.

*sigh* pissing actually calmed me down.

Okies, here is the low down:

WAYY back when, about eight month ago, there was this temp girl working in HR. She was the one who collected the test. But a few weeks in to my purgatory sentence here at Samsung she up and disappeared over the weekend. Now, I also hate speaking ill of the “presumed” missing or dead but this chick was a bitch. No substitute; she was a plain old B*I*C*T*H! She’d give me these looks all the time when I was just sitting’ minding my own beeswax. I NEVER even tried to talk to her, I know when I get those looks…one of those “god, I have to put up with you” looks accompanied with that “I don’t like you” vibe. Heather steers clear of that messed up shit. Anyways, one Monday I came to work and everyone was like “WFT? Where is so-and-so” Like I gave a shit I joined in but never got an answer, that bitch just up and vanished…now presumed in my over-active imagination as dismembered in a box 50 feet under the ground. (INNER HEATHER: God! You’re morbid.)



I waiting quite a while after the Temp Girl went “missing” before I E-mail the HR bitch (Moku’s PR agent: She mean bitch as a substitute for woman and not as a derogatory term for someone who can’t mark a simple fucking test!) when I was fed up with playing the waiting game.

Apparently, my test was just sitting there in the temp girl’s old test all this time (I told you that cleaning lady is good for nothing!) The HR bitch gives me this story that she had no idea the test weren’t marked and she’ll get to them when she gets to them. Oh, okay, so I just sit on that “thanks for nothing” promise like a good girl. *goes back to playing with her thumbs*

Flash forward to a month ago, when I again was thinking “maybe she just forgot” (INNER HEATHER: ahh, so young and naive) Well, I now know it’s more like “I just don’t’ give a shit” (INNER HEATHER: oh, they grow up so fast *wipe tear*) I was really polite in my E-mail too! Seriously, it was all bull crap and “thank you for your time” shit – none of which I meant but isn’t there a saying about catching bees with honey…whatever, doesn’t matter since that bitch didn’t appreciate my butt-kissing “did you mark my fuckin’ test yet!” BS ‘cause I STILL don’t have that test in my possession.

I should have mentioned early that the money isn’t real money it’s Samsung money therefore I can only use it for Samsung product. Not at a store -- no that would make sense *rolls eyes – no, to use through our distrusting center. So, I need my test marked AND I need time to make an order though this center and have it shipped here. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I’m about ten seconds from saying FUCK IT! Damn this cheap nature of mine! I wish I had laser beams for eyes GOD I want that so bad…she walks by my desk all the time! I could give her a good ZAP!

God damn it! Where was I…right! She replied back that she was busy, blah blah and will get to when she gets to. PAAAALLLEEAASSEE! What does it take 20 years to mark a test! Just give me a passing grade and this shit would be over with! Ironically I over-heard her talking to another co-worker saying that busy or not, you have a job to do and people shouldn’t complain. OH! Really…good work, pass that enlighten advice on ‘cause you’re doing DICK all with it.

Flash forward one more time to Monday of this week, my last week. I had given my two weeks notice (CCed it to her bitch ass too, I might add) but I thought I’d REMIND her that I’m leaving in five days so could she please put a little priority on my test. And what happened next kiddies…ZIPPO! It’s Wednesday and that ‘tard hasn’t even given me the slightest bit of concern. She passes by me and I smile and she FAKE smiles back (god! If only I had laser eyes!) I have thought about pullin’ her over but really I could care less at this point…I don’t wanna hear another “I’ll get to it when I get it” crap. ‘cause then I’ll have two choices: play nice-nice and say something stupid like “great, I’ll just wait here like a good girl sitting on my fuckin’ hands like a douche!” or get laser eyes implanted and be honest -- “what FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!” *zap! Blood curdling scream* muhahaha (INNER HEATHER: God, you are morbid).

Moku out.

Now, Someone's not going to pass their citizenship :P

Jesus this is a long one, eh!
Every notice you don’t seem to by aware to life’s little “hey fucker, you should be paying attention to this” until you’re washing off all the excess foreshadows about 30 seconds after-the-fact. I've been smackin' my common sense for awhile now and I think we've come to an agreement...no more Rant balls. You know, first everything is a mild annoyance but continues to pack on the "oh, no she didn't" making them pet peeves 'cause you didn't think it was "that big a deal" until you want to kill someone (whether you'll get away with it or not. Well, here's my rant ball -- I got a fucktard for an driving instructor

Lesson number one!

I got a call about 12ish on Saturday from Mrs. drivin’ Instructor asking where festoon place was – okay, Instructor doesn’t know the streets in Brampton --I take this as a GOOD sign things will go well. I told her and three minutes later she was waiting in my driveway.

Now, I paid my $185 to get in-car instruction wayyy back when I first signed up with Ultimate Drivers, now you’d think that would be written down some where right? WRONG! Two second in the car with Mrs. Driving Instructor (now abbreviated to Ms. DI) I get “Cheque Please” Which I would have respected -- ‘cause I can understand the “get money first before names, hellos, and general light conversation” – if she wasn’t such a fucktard. I reply, “I already paid” and here folks is the award winning rebuttal from Ms. DI “oh, are you sure” *looks to the left, then to the right* ah, yeah I’m sure, as in I gave the nice man at the counter a debit card two months ago and clicked “ok” to $375 smackers. And since I have this pretty yellow paper right here saying I paid, a receipt from your BOSS, and my bank account is $375 in the hole, I’ll assume the transact was successful. It’s nice to know the lines of commutation between employees is wide open at Ultimate Drivers *rolls eyes*

Now I had never driven before so being all self-preserving I told her that thinking she would value her life as well and not expect too much outta me. *smacks head on desk* Ms.DI just didn’t give a fuck – apparently she wants to die – and she piss-poshed my confession away with a “yeah, I know” The actual conversation when a little like this:

Me: You know I’ve never driven before.
Ms. DI: Yeah, I know
Me: I mean, I’ve never driven, ever
Ms.DI: I know
Me: I don’t even know how to turn on the car
Ms. DI:I know.
Me: *blank stare* okkkaayyy.

At that point she had me back out of the driveway (yeah I got to go in reverse my very first time driving!) I always thought you learned to crawl then walk but Ms. DI set my straight on that one. *grin* So, now I’m driving; I tried to go slow but Ms. DI wasn’t having any of that self-preservation crap, nope, I had to match the speed of the other cars – fuck if she cared that the other drivers were SPEEDING! So, I’m now speeding on a major road that is busy as hell ‘cause Stitches is having a 50% off sale; and do you wanna know WHY, kiddies? Not for the experience, nope! I’m risking causing a major accident from complete lack of knowing what the fuck I’m doing (while speeding) because fucking “Can’t teach for shit” instructor needed to give a paper to her boss at Ultimate Drivers. Wait a flippin’ minutes here lady! You’re on MY time! And on my time there will be no death-trap driving on Queen St. NOPE NOPE NOPE! No hitting two birds with one stone on my time, honey!

It was at this point I decided I officially do not like driving!

Lesson Two (and three…stupid bitch likes to hit those birds *sigh*)

I did indeed decided the last week that I hated driving but (for some reason) I didn’t clue in to Ms. DI being the cause. I actually thought she was just preachy-keen UNTIL lesson two and three -- which she slapped together without really asking me. She just told me, “we’ll do two lessons today ‘cause I have no others booked” okkkkayy, sure –

SIDENOTE: Jeanie didn’t drive me home on Friday so I had to take public transit. While waiting for the 1A bus something flew up in to my left eye. I tried to blink it out but it made it worst. So, me being an idiot rubbed my eyes raw for about 4 hours before I got home (I went to the mall). It was there that I realized I looked like a drug addict. My eye was KILLin’ me! I couldn’t even watch TV so I just went to bed at 9:30.

Back on track…

So, my eye was hurtin’ like a son of a bitch but I thought what the hell, Theresa isn’t coming over why not drive around in a big metal machine! I actually contemplated telling her I didn’t feel up to driving but really I wasn’t about to argue and start another “I know” conversation circle. She really didn’t seem to care that she was in serious danger the last time so *shrug*

Anyways, after an hour of driving around making a few “whoops! My bad” moves ‘cause of my failing vision in my left eye and the blurriness of the right from a growing headache – really, I should have said something, whatta think? – Ms. DI gets on the Cellphone. I should have mentioned this before but this chick is ALWAYS on the phone. Who is she talking to, fuck I should know I don’t speak what ever Indian language she speaks. Another thing I should point out when you’re learning to drive and you have a headache from a possibly blind left eye DON’T listen to Indian music – not the time or place, Ms. DI, now TURN IT off!! (NOTE: I had to listen to that for the whole two hours *groan*) Getting back on topic, Ms. DI was on the cell phone talking in whatever language when she noticed a girl didn’t sign some sheet – which, by the way, is Ms. DI’s fault but in her head it's completely this teen’s blunder *rolls eyes* SO now I have to drive to Fortinos so Ms. DI can get this signature or it’s her ass on the line (not mine, thou, but that doesn’t matter -- Moku’s time doesn’t matter, remember…boo *throws stone at Ms. DI* I’ll give you your two birds!)

Okies, I thought Queen St. was bad, no; I was so wrong, so very wrong. Fortinos on a Saturday afternoon is a NIGHTMARE!! But at least she let me go 20m/h for once. I went into the place with her (‘cause I didn’t see the point in waiting like an idiot in the drivers seat while other cars honked at me for the parking space. Long store short, we didn’t find the girl, didn’t get the sheet signed and moku is a bit more traumatized about driving.

Now, back on the roads *sign* When I thought I just couldn’t take anymore, it started snowing. Awww..look at the pretty snow..NO wait! SNOW!! And it wasn’t just snow it was hail, wind and snow! I’m not prepared for this shit! Moku wants to go home! But Ms. DI wants to get paid so that’s outta the question. SO, it’s snowing like a mother and what does Ms.DI want heather to do! Learn left hand turns! OH goodies! The slippery roads will make this go smoothly – minus the fact that my left eyes is throbbing! I’m fine, really. *forced smile*

Edit: OMG how could I forget the clicking noise!! THis chick (Ms. DI of course) made this God-awful distracting as HELL noise with her noise and throat every fuckin' time I make some mistake. Didn't matter is it was a small little "didn't look over your shoulder" or a full on stop in the middle of an intersection. I didn't get an explaination after the first clicking either, nope, once she knew I understood her code language of clickin' she just clicked away and I had to scramble my brian for what the hell I just did wrong 'cause I've never driven before so I have no clue and she not tellin' me...*sigh* I really hate driving. :(

Well, I pulled though it, as I’m still here to whine about it but guess who isn’t here, kiddies! Oh, just guess? RIGHT Mr. DI!! 9:00am sharp, Ultimate Drivers got a call from Heather requesting another in-car teacher. Now, I’m not cruel, I didn’t mention WHY I wanted another one. I just made up some excuse about differing schedules. So, in closing to this VERY long rant BYEBYE Ms. DI, well all miss you..NOT!!!