Now Playing: with evil thoughts.
Topic: Work Rants
So it just so happens that the day of the Christmas party is the day mother nature gives Brampton a big fuck you in the form of blowing snow and freezin’ ass winds. It’s also the day my sick ass decides to get MORE nasal, my body aches like a truck hit it and I’m inching’ like crazy ‘cause I decided to try on a 100% poly. Dress even though I know full well I’m allergic. Hurray! I’m totally in the festive spirit now!! *rolls eyes*
The only thing keeping me going was the thought of food (wondrous gourmet food) Which you’re all thinking “what’s the big deal” First, did I mention FREE food…second, When you’ve been living off of dry cereal and canned food from sample sale for three months get the fuck back to me on that one.
Anyways, as I said, it’s snowing like a mother fucker and cold as bloody death and what does heather decide to wear..A short dress with stockin’ (I was totally dropped on my head when I was a youngsters, I just know it). Teeth chattering I made it over to Anne and Stasia’s. Where I watch pretty much the entire Encino Man movie while the two Miss.Prisses got their butts ready. I’m not sure what the heck they were doing but apparently it take an hour and a half to put on a dress over your head, dap on makeup and pick out shoes. You want to know how long it took me to get ready boys and girls…5 damn minutes. 4 of which were me bushin’ Mother Nature’s fuck you off my car. Not that the two didn’t look amazing (suppose it wouldn’t kill me to try a little harder)…but DAAAMMMNNNN I didn’t realize it took so long to be beautiful. Sign my ass up for ugly-camp ‘cause I just don’t got that kind of time or patience. Humm, I’m being quite rude and mean, eh. Well, life’s a bitch, yuck it up ‘cause it’s true. I can’t count the times Tan (Stasia’s date) and I gave each other a “what the hell are they doing up there” look.
Anyways, after passing two “I’m a fuckin idiot who can’t drive in snow” accident we arrived at the Congress Centre. We were actually a bit late (not mentioning any names as to why) so I was like “HURRAY! We don’t have to wait too long to eat” WRONG! Those bastards didn’t feed us for hours! It was like “take your time and mingle” FUCK that! Heather came here to EAT god damn it!! I can “mingle” at the office where I have to pretend to like you (oopse, did I just say that). Um..yeah, well, Lack of food made me a little less tolerable of bad service.
FINALLY they let us sit down (after I ate off of every appetizer tray…what the hell I was eating who the fucks know due to poor ass lighting.). Now seated I thought “FOOD FOOD FOOD” but due to a poor choice in tables after half hour my thoughts turned to “If I don’t get food right now I’m declaring war on the next table that does!” I actually started to picture myself in full Xenia warrior princess garb. Yelling “give me your food or I’ll stab you with this butter knife!” Gladly, I didn’t…I wouldn’t want to contribute to bad employee relations (*gasp* no, not I). oh! Did I mention they did bring two dinners to our table..it was hilarious seeing my two dinner guest staring at their food (waiting with annoyed looks for everyone else to get their food). In the light of a hungry stomach, politeness be damned, *pft* I totally would have eaten…I’d be chompin’ away at my chow like “What, I’m hungry BITCHES”
The whole affair with the food, and waiting made me think the Congress Centre’s slogan should be “Yes! You will get your dinner...EVENUALLY” Through, without pounding the table with my cutlery (which I didn’t think would get me anywhere) I DID get my dinner..Evenually *rolls eyes* but not before I had deep imbedded resentment towards the service staff. In retrospect, maybe banging the table with my fork and knife would have gotten my somewhere. You don’t want to serve me FINE! I’ll make a scene…oh! Here’s my dinner! Great. Thanks”
Oh Oh, did I mention that not only were we unable to GET service we weren’t able to serve ourselves. When we tried to pour our own wine they came like bees (two of ‘em) taking the bottle from us. Oookkkaayy, well we now know how to get your damn attention too bad it’s half an hour too late.
You want to know what icing on the cake was the highlight of the evening, my friends…watching the buyer who give me stress, headaches and hair loss get a fuckin’ 300 dollar massager. WOOT, my night is now flippin’ complete; let’s wrap it up and go home! Which I did…back into Mother Nature Rag time fun.
And that kiddies, is my take on the 2007 HBC Christmas party…*takes a bow*
P.S. yeap, I copped out at the end…but the screw you I have work to do.
P.S.S. if there are spelling errors and you point them out to me I reserve the right to smack you…haha and you all thought I was SOO nice.